


Love is for fools wise enough to take a chance

by IHU0904



Category: K-pop, Super Junior
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Idols, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:40:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23874835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHU0904/pseuds/IHU0904
Summary: Because sometimes, what you need is right in front of you. because sometimes, what you desire the most is right in front of you. Because sometimes, someone you considered your dearest friend may be more. But no one said it was an easy thing to realize and accept it. Hyukjae and Donghae have been friends for more than fifteen years. But things were about to change when they finally took some time alone far from their lives and country.
Relationships: Lee Donghae/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

Donghae was wondering. He was wondering what to do with his life. Sure, he was a pretty successful idol. But here's the truth, he was a thirty-three years old man who was feeling lonely and who didn't know what he was supposed to do with his life. Keep on being an idol? Try to settle with someone? Marry? Yes probably, but with who? And how? Being an idol was great and all, but there was one thing that was terrible: dating. He tried several times, but it ended always the same, the woman was most interested in dating Super Junior Donghae than Donghae himself. So, the dating would end after a few dates and that was it. Of course, he wasn't inexperienced and all, and enjoyed himself many times, but never romantically. There it was, he was a perfectly healthy thirty-three old man who's never been in love. But what could he do? He didn't know. The only thing he knew is that he was feeling incredibly lonely and scared of what life would be once Super Junior would come to an end. Because, let's be honest: it will end. They don't know when and how, but it will. Sooner or later they won't be as attractive as they were, as bankable as they were. And it scared Donghae to death. How would he survive without the Band? He wasn't good in variety shows (really not), he wasn't an excellent actor (he was good but wouldn't be good enough to have a full career as an actor), he wasn't an excellent singer (he was good but again, not enough) so no musicals for him. So, really, what is he going to do?  
\--  
He was thinking deeply, laying on Hyukjae's couch staring at the ceiling when he heard the noise of the door. Slightly turning his head, he faced an annoyed Hyukjae noticing him.

"Jeez, Donghae, you need to stop coming at my place as if it was yours" Hyukjae said while putting his groceries on the kitchen bar. Having no answer from Donghae, not even the usual "your place is my place" he was always answering when Hyukjae was complaining about his terrible habit, he turned around and went over the couch to face Donghae starring the ceiling again.  
"Hello?" he said, moving his hand in front of Donghae's eyes. The younger moved a bit his head and focused on his friend. He made a soft sound of despair and stared at the ceiling again.  
Surprised, Hyukjae leaned in trying to get Donghae's attention. "Hey, what's going on?" he asked softly. Donghae tried his best not to answer his friend but when the black-haired man forced him to sit on the couch and look at him, he had no choice.  
"I'm feeling a bit... Off..." Hyukjae tilt his head, asking silently the brown-haired man to explain.  
Donghae, not comfortable under Hyukjae's stare, cleared his throat.  
"Well, I'm just wondering what I'm going to do after... You know... Our Idol's career comes to an end..." Hyukjae smiled, knowing perfectly this was worrying Donghae way more than he was admitting. And Hyukjae couldn't blame him. He also was wondering what to do. But he wasn't as desperate as Donghae. He was good in varieties and could easily become a regular MC on several shows. He was currently on negotiations to be an MC on Weekly Idol, but nothing was sure yet. Anyway, he knew how Donghae was feeling and wanted to reassure him so bad. But before he could say something, Donghae kept on explaining.  
"And, I don't know when or if I will get married... I'm not getting any younger, and even though I know getting married would create hell of a mess, I'm not even dating someone, and I've never ever been in love in my life, and I want someone with me, and..."  
"Okay, Donghae, you should stop." Hyukjae, taking Donghae's face in his hands forcing him to look at him. "I know what you want, and trust me I understand, but I also know that you have time to meet someone, and get married, and have children. Trust me, everything will fall in place in no time. Stop worrying about such things."  
"But what am I going to do with my life? I'm not good at anything! I can't even entertain people! I'm not as handsome as Siwon, not as good as Kyuhyun, or..."  
"Donghae, you are very handsome, way more than Siwon if you want my opinion. You may not be as good as Kyuhyun or Ryeowook, but you are a very talented person, and you write beautiful songs. I don't think you should worry that much. It is the same as dating, you'll have plenty of time later to worry about that. You even have your brand, and your coffee shop. Honestly, I wouldn't worry so much if I were you" Hyukjae said as reassuring as possible. He saw a tear leaving Donghae's closed eyes while listening to Hyukjae's word. He delicately stoked the brown-haired man's cheek.  
"I just bought food, maybe we can eat watching a movie and then go to sleep?" He said, trying to better the other's mood. "You can sleep here if you want" he added with a grin.  
Donghae opened his eyes and nodded with a little smile on his face. Hyukjae got up and started cooking ramyun while Donghae was still on the couch, thinking again. Hyukjae was right, he had time to be worried. He turned his face to look at his friend, with scrutiny. What would he do without him? How would his life be? Would he be this happy? Would he be an idol? Probably, but not as successful, for sure. Hyukjae was the reason why Donghae was very famous. They were a duo, a pair. It was extremely rare to see one without the other. Donghae was extremely grateful for Hyukjae. His friendship, his love towards him, his patience, his kindness, everything. Hyukjae was his everything and sometimes he wondered if it wasn't too much, if it wasn't unhealthy. Because, let's be honest, how would he live without Hyukjae? He felt so full with him and he was sure that no one else could have such a role in his life. No one could replace Hyukjae, not even his future wife.  
"Donghae?" the black-haired man asked, still focused on the ramyun. "Can you pick a movie, or a TV show please?"  
Donghae nodded and turned on the TV. He searched for a good movie, but spending most of his time at Hyukjae's place, he watched most of the movies on rental.  
"Hey, I heard about a good Spanish TV Show named 'La Casa de Papel', it's about people who robbed a bank, or something, maybe we should try?" Hyukjae asked with a smile.  
"How the hell have you heard about a Spanish TV show?" Donghae asked, skeptical.  
Hyukjae snorted. "Well, I spend a lot of time on my phone and I saw it was really good, so let's try!" he said, bringing the food on the table near the couch.  
They started eating and watching the TV show. Donghae felt better and at ease.  
But not for long.

Half an hour later, they both were on the couch, in the dark, under a blanket, watching the third episode of the TV show, fascinated.   
"Oh, come on! This is completely surrealist! How the hell would they be able to enter the bank and challenge the police that much?"

"Well obviously thanks to the Professor. He is so smart and has a perfect plan! Of course, they can do that!" Hyukjae said, smiling. "But I agree, it is a bit surrealist." He added, bringing himself closer to Donghae.  
"But so addictive" Donghae said, playing the fourth episode.  
Hyukjae hummed. He yawned a bit and put his head on Donghae's shoulder. He felt so good right now. He didn't need much: good ramyun, good TV show and his dearest friend with him. He slightly put his hand on Donghae's forearm and delicately stroke it.  
Donghae didn't mind at all. It was common knowledge, they always needed to touch each other. Their closeness wasn't just on varieties or concerts, it was all the time. They always needed to be close to each other in every way, including cuddling and touching. It was always innocent between them and just a way to calm each other. Nothing ever happened between them, they never kissed each other, never even thought about being more then friends. Because they weren't. They were close friends who needed extreme closeness. Nothing more. And God, many people told them they were acting a bit weird for friends and that there was something more between them. But they didn't care.   
They were friend and that was it.

Feeling that his friend was falling asleep, Donghae turned off the TV and settled comfortably on the couch.  
"Hae... We should go in my bedroom; we're going to be sore tomorrow if we sleep like this..."  
Donghae hummed, feeling tiredness rushing through his body. He put his head on Hyukjae's and closed his eyes.  
"It feels good to be with you Hyukjae..."  
The black-haired man giggled a little bit and took Donghae's hand in his. He raised his head a bit to get up and go to bed. He kept Donghae hand in his while he was guiding them in his bedroom. They didn't even change their cloths and fell sound asleep, still holding hands.

***

Donghae woke up because of the sun on his eyes. They went to sleep without closing the store. He turned around and got closer to Hyukjae back. He was holding his chest and his hand was resting on his arm, as if he was holding something when falling asleep. He took Hyukjae's hand in his and rested his head against his back humming his scent. It was so reassuring for him to be like this with Hyukjae. It felt like... Home. And God, how much he needed to feel at home right now. He needed everything Hyukjae could give him. He wanted to hold him like a Koala would hold his mother. He wanted to get into Hyukjae's arms and never leave.   
Without thinking about how annoying it may be for his friend, Donghae stepped over Hyukjae and slowly uncrossed his arms. Hyukjae opened one confused eye and glanced at Donghae. 

"What do you need" he asked, sleepy.   
Donghae got closer and put his whole body against Hyukjae and his head between the pillow and Hyukjae's neck. "I need you to hold me... Please..."   
Without other words, Hyukjae closed his arms around Donghae's back and held him as close as possible. He didn't know what was going on with Donghae that he was craving so much for Hyukjae's attention. Usually he would just be close to him, just needing Hyukjae's presence. But right now, he wanted, needed much more. Of course, Hyukjae was happy to give him what he needed, anything really. He wanted to go back to sleep, but Donghae's body heat and the sun shining in his room was too much for him to fall asleep again. Instead, he just closed his eyes and enjoyed holding Donghae. No, it wasn't weird. It was them, and there was no need to explain, nor put words on their relationship. 

But little did they know that at some point, they'd have to.   
A few minutes, or hours, really Hyukjae didn't know, his apartment bell rang. He startled and got up fast, with a little brush of lips against Donghae's temple. He hurried in the entrance and was surprised to find Leeteuk and Heechul at the door. He quickly opened it.   
"Hyungs, what are you doing here?" he asked, confused.   
Leeteuk and Heechul entered the apartment happily and put their bags (full of food) on the table. 

"'We wanted to see you, of course! Is Donghae here? We have a good new!" Heechul said while opening the several cups of food.   
"Yes, he is-"   
"Yah, Lee Donghae! Bring your ass here, we have a good new!" Leeteuk yelled.

Donghae appeared, sleepy and a bit off. He directly went to Hyukjae and put his sleepy head on his shoulder. 

"What do you want hyungs? We were sleeping..." he said, rubbing his face, eyes still closed. 

Heechul and Leeteuk shared a look and smiled. 

"Well, as you know, we had our comeback, and everything went well, and we deserve a bit of time off! So, we're here to tell you that you have the whole week to do what you want! No managers, no schedule, nothing but vacation!" Heechul said with a wide smile, very happy to be free, even for a week. He was working way too much, between recording his many variety shows and working for their comeback.   
It took a few seconds for Hyukjae and Donghae to realize what the older said. Then they yelled a big "yes!" thinking about the long hours of sleep the will get, and how much they’re going to do whatever they want! 

Leeteuk smiled, happy to see his friends so ecstatic. "The only thing you'll have to do is be careful that no fans or anyone recognize you while you do what you want, alright? If you want to go to New York or whatever, you can but please try to have a low profile, okay?" He said. 

"When haven't we been careful hyung?" Hyukjae said in a pout.   
"Thanks, hyungs!" Donghae said, hugging Heechul and Leeteuk, "and for the food too" he added, humming the delicious scent of the dishes already on the table.   
They ate, happily chatting about what they will do the next week. After half an hour, they hugged, knowing they won't see each other before a whole week, and Heechul and Leeteuk left in a last goodbye wave. 

Donghae immediately went on the couch and happily hugged a cushion staring at the city through the window. This feeling of pure joy he had felt so good for him. He really needed this time off and was so happy he could burst in tears. 

"So, what do you want to do Hae? We could travel or stay home and watch the end of the TV show, or sleep!" Hyukjae said, sitting next to Donghae.   
"I think we should go abroad" Donghae said abruptly. 

The black-haired man stared at his friend, surprised by his sudden urge. 

He took his phone on the coffee table and unlocked it.   
"Alright then, where do you want to go?" 

Donghae thought fast of somewhere they could go before Hyukjae changed his mind. After all, he was very careful about their outs and his money. He knew perfectly that going abroad with Donghae meant paying for almost everything. So, if Hyukjae agreed, Donghae had to be fast if he really wanted to go. Suddenly he thought about the TV show they watched the night before. 

"Madrid! We should go to Madrid, in Spain!"

Hyukjae smiled fondly and brushed Donghae's hair. "Madrid it is then!" 

They spent the next hours booking a plan ticket, a very nice hotel (what's the point in being an idol of you don't enjoy nice hotels, huh?) and renting a car there (they really wanted to explore Madrid, but also around it).   
"Okay so, we will leave Saturday morning, so tomorrow, and be back next Saturday. You sure you won't be tired to go back to work the next day? We might be jetlagged..." Hyukjae said, scratching the back of his head, concerned.   
"Nah, don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm so happy to travel that I don't care about being tired!" 

Hyukjae smile fondly at his happy friend. Some may think that Donghae's attitude was a bit childish and that he was just a big baby. But the truth was he wasn't anymore. When they debuted and the years after that he indeed was a big baby. But now, he was hell of a man. Of course, he kept on crying for nothing and craving for everyone's attention (mostly Hyukjae) but he is also way more rational then before. He is way calmer, stronger and manly. He matured a lot, and Hyukjae liked it. He liked that now his friend and him were real adults, dealing with adult stuff and acting like adults.   
He replaced Donghae's hair behind his hear and smiled at him, a wide, gummy smile. The brown-haired man closed his eyes and enjoyed his friend’s touch on him. He leaned a little bit his head and rested it in Hyukjae's hand, fully supporting it. They stayed like this for a while, but then Hyukjae decided it was time for Donghae to go back home to prepare his stuff for Madrid. 

"Don't forget your Nemo!" he teased.   
Donghae turned around "it's been six years Hyukjae that I've stopped travelling with my plush." 

Hyukjae laughed and turned around to go pack also. 

They were so happy. 

Later, Donghae came back to Hyukjae's. Not even bothering knocking, he taped the password and entered the apartment, dropping his bags, a big smile on his face.  
Hyukjae appeared, annoyed. "Come on Donghae, knock, please." He said, sighing and going to the kitchen, tacking some food out of the cupboard.  
"You house is my house Hyuk, just deal with it." Donghae answered, teasing.  
Hyukjae raised an eyebrow and said, falsely annoyed "I get you're feeling better than yesterday". Donghae took his shoes and jacket off and went to the kitchen near his friend. He took a chocolate bar from Hyukjae's hands.  
"So much better. Nothing would make me feel sad right now." He said, enjoying his snack.  
Hyukjae smiled fondly, relieved his friend was feeling better. A sad Donghae was never good. He could feel depressed very fast and it was always difficult to make him feel better. Once he was sad, it was usually for several days. He even got sick once because he was sad, so Hyukjae was now very attentive to Donghae's mood, especially when he was a bit down.  
"I'm so excited to go to Madrid! Do you know there is a soccer game Monday night? I purchased two tickets! I can't believe we are going there!"  
Hyukjae realized what Donghae said and stopped smiling. "Wait. Which card did you use to pay?" he said, sure Donghae used his.  
Donghae took a water bottle out of the fridge and went to Hyukjae's bedroom to rest a bit. Their flight would be long after all. "Well, yours of course. I figured we could use mostly your card and then I'd give you half of what we'd spend once we would be back here".  
Hyukjae sighed, knowing perfectly that Donghae wouldn't pay him back soon. But honestly, who cared? (well Hyukjae did a bit). It has always been like this, Hyukjae would end up paying everything without getting anything back. But again, he didn't care much, because having a happy Donghae was everything he wanted.  
He soon followed Donghae in his bedroom. They spent the rest of the day laying on his bed watching the TV and eating snacks. They set off an alarm at seven the next morning. Their flight was at eleven, so they thought seven was okay. They fell asleep pretty quickly, still holding hands, but not minding a bit.

***

"Come on Hae, hurry up I need to pee!" Hyukjae yelled at his friend who was still half asleep.  
"you could have in the plane you dumbass" he mumbled following his stressed friend.

Their morning and flight have been... Stressful. They tried to wake up at seven, but God knows they should have set up another alarm because they fell back asleep and woke up again at nine. They got up quickly, panicked. They took their bags, brushed their teeth fast and headed to the airport in a rush. Luckily the ride to the airport was smooth and they managed to check in on time. Once on the plane, Donghae fell asleep while Hyukjae was watching movies. They didn't do much, wanting to rest as much as possible to try to avoid the jetlag.

Finally in the bathroom Hyukjae relieved himself and sighed, happy. Donghae was mumbling behind the door (hurry up, jeez!) but Hyukjae didn't mind. He was on vacation and was happy. He got out of the restrooms and smile to Donghae. He put his arm around the younger's shoulders.  
"Let's go to our hotel okay?" he said, happy. Donghae put his free arm (the other one pulling his suitcase) around Hyukjae's waist and agreed.  
They headed to the rental car corner to pick their car.  
"Hello Sir, my name is Alicia, what can I do for you?" A Spanish woman said, in a perfect English. Hyukjae blushed a little, his English not as good.  
"Hum, I rent a car for a week..." He said, not sur of himself.   
"Can I have your full name please?"  
After minutes of trying to understand each other, Hyukjae finally got the keys of the car. They both headed to the parking lot, still holding each other close. 

***

Madrid was beautiful. But driving in Europe was so much different than in Korea. So Donghae, as excited as usual was gasping in excitement everytime he saw something or somewhere interesting, while Hyukjae was focused on the driving. He mumbled the whole ride wondering why the hell did they rent a car. Taking a cab would have been so much easier. But again, who would they be if they were taking rational decisions. Forty-five minutes later, Hyukjae finally parked the car on the parking lot of the hotel. He sighed in relief, happy they could make it alive. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to face Donghae, gently smiling at him. He closed his eyes, enjoying the soft touch on his shoulder and his hair.   
“Come on, let’s go Hyuk.” Donghae said in a hush. The black-haired man hummed and got out of the car. They took their stuff out of the car’s trunk and headed to the hotel’s lobby. It was a very nice hotel, clean and charming, in the middle of Madrid. Feeling Hyukjae’s tiredness (he didn’t sleep at all in the place, while Donghae slept the entire flight), the brown-haired man took charge of the check-in. Ten minutes later, they were both laying on the bed of the room. They didn’t bother taking a room with two beds, perfectly knowing they’d sleep in the same anyway. Hyukjae sighed, happy, and made himself more comfortable, ready to take a nap. However, Donghae didn’t want to sleep at all. 

“Hyuk, it’s still early in the day! I know you’re jetlagged and tired, but we should go visit a bit. If you fall asleep right now, you’re going to be jetlagged for the whole trip.” He said, a hand running through Hyukjae’s hair. The older turned around to face his friend. He smiled.

“Let me take a quick shower and then we’ll go. Search on the internet where we could eat, I’m hungry” he said, getting up and taking clean cloths (a long sleeve shirt and a pair of black jeans, nothing fancy). 

Half an hour later, the two friends left the hotel and headed to a small Tapas restaurant (many small portions of any kind of Spanish cuisine). They ordered and soon their table was full of many different dishes. 

“Yah it smells so good!” Donghae exclaimed, hungry. Hyukjae agreed with a nod, and they started eating, chatting. 

“So, I thought about what you said yesterday...” Hyukjae said. He didn’t really want to talk about Donghae’s worries right now, but he felt it was a good moment, since they were eating. He wasn’t afraid of being heard by someone, since they were the only customers of the small restaurant. It was still early and Spanish people were known to eat later in the afternoon.   
Donghae looked at Hyukjae, frowning.   
“About getting married, having children and so on”  
“Oh yes... What about that?”  
Hyukjae bit his lower lip and said “well, you seemed pretty bummed about this topic. What exactly worries you?”

Donghae put down his fork and thought for a while. Hyukjae was right, what was worrying the brunette so much? He looked at Hyukjae and saw in his nothing but kindness and concern.   
“I don’t know... I guess I see time passing by, but nothing’s happening in my love life. I think I start feeling lonely. I have my family, and the band, and... you, but I know that I’m not getting any younger, and at some point, I feel like I should hurry up.”

Hyukjae took Donghae’s hand in his and gently stroked the back. 

“Why should you hurry? You’re still young and healthy. Plus, you know as much as I do that a man can have babies until at least seventy. So, you’re good Hae.” He said in a smirk. Donghae grinned and agreed. He raised his class full of beer and said, happily “To being a dad at seventy!” Hyukjae raised his own glass. “Cheers Hae!” He said. 

They giggled and enjoyed the rest of their meal in a comfortable silence, still touching their hands.


	2. Chapter 2

Full of food, they felt much better. They decided, for their first day in Madrid, to tour the city, without visiting something in particular. The weather was warm but not too much. It was perfect. However, it was already late in Madrid, and even though Donghae slept the entire flight, Hyukjae was extremely tired and needed to rest at some point. Feeling his friend's dizziness, (when Hyukjae was putting his whole weight on Donghae's shoulders, it was a sign) he had an idea.

"Hey Hyukjae, there's a bus tour stop right there, do you want to take it? We could rest a bit but still enjoy Madrid!" He said, a wide smile on his face.

"That'd be nice Hae." The black-haired man said, thankful. They went to the bus stop and waited for a few minutes before the but stopped, right in front of them. Donghae went ahead, taking Hyukjae's hand in his. They went on the top of the bus, wanting to enjoy the warm weather on their skin. Luckily, it was mostly empty (only old couples were there). They went to the back of the bus and sat in silence. They weren't afraid of being recognize for several reasons: they were in a foreign country, wore casual cloths and had hats and sunglasses. They were safe and knew it, otherwise, they wouldn't be so tactile. Truth was, when they were together and recognized while being extremely close, people were fantasizing on them being a couple, and at some point, it was annoying.  
The bus started again.

Feeling tired, Hyukjae put his head on the brown-haired man and rested a bit. Donghae was comfortable and his friend’s heartbeat was soothing. It felt good. Without realizing, he fell asleep, his head well place in the crook on Donghae's neck.

The youngest was enjoying the view, but his focus went on Hyukjae pretty quickly. Instinctively, he put his hand on Hyukjae’s cheek and stroked it, delicately. He shifted his gaze on his friend's face and scrutinized him. He was so handsome. Why people kept telling he was ugly, while God knows how handsome he was? His jawline was making his face very manly and demanded nothing but being touched. Which Donghae did. With his trembling fingers, his draw Hyukjae's facial feature. His jawline, his eyes, his nose, his lips.  
Having his friend so close to him was soothing him but also stressing him. He felt strange feelings in his stomach, as if a knot was twisting. It didn't scare him that much, because again, it was normal for a friend to be overwhelmed by his friend's good looks, no?  
He slowly started kissing Hyukjae's hair as a thank you. He hoped this soft gesture was enough. He wanted to thank Hyukjae for always being by his side, for always taking care of him, for always reassuring him, for always making his best to cheer him up. He wanted to thank him for even existing and choosing Donghae as his other half, his soulmate.  
Because yes, you can be friend and consider this person as your soulmate. How would you name someone who's so much like you? Who calls you for every good or bad news? Who sleeps with you as much as you need? Who takes care of you sometimes even better than your own mother?  
Hyukjae was definitely his soulmate.   
They were soulmates and that was it.  
On this thought, the bus stopped.   
Donghae smiled softly and stroked Hyukjae's cheek while shaking him a little.

"Hyuk, the tour is done, let's go..."  
The black-haired man opened his eyes, and closed them instantly, dazzled by the sun.

"What time is it?" He asked, still rubbing his eyes when they got out of the bus.  
Donghae took his hand and lead them through the city, following his GPS to their hotel.

"Almost seven..." He stopped and turned around, facing his friend, "I'm proud of you, you resisted long enough" he grinned.

"Ah, shut it you dumb dumb..." Hyukjae pouted.

With no other words, they went back to their hotel, still holding hands. It felt good to be able to be as demonstrative as they wanted without anyone recognizing them. They were famous in Korea, and generally in the world, but they had the privilege to be able to travel around the world without being recognized all the time. It was good to feel anonymous.  
Soon, they reached their hotel room. Hyukjae laid on the bed and checked the menu for the room service. He was too exhausted to go out tonight. He needed to sleep.

"I'm going to shower Hyuk. You should order something to eat." Donghae said, taking his pajamas out of his suitcase. 

Hyukjae nodded and called the reception. After long minutes of trying to understand the receptionist and order, he finally laid back on the bed.   
He looked through the window while hugging a pillow. He was so tired. But happy. Happy because he was in Spain with his friend and he enjoyed having his mind in peace.   
Hyukjae wasn't as worried as Donghae for their future. He was even pretty sure of how things would turn out for them: they'd keep on working at their company as entertainers and would eventually get married and have children.   
He thought about his previous relationships. Like Donghae, nothing was serious. He dated some girls, but they were either attracted to Eunhyuk (not Hyukjae) or madly in love with him, which was scary. He once had feelings for a woman. She was pretty, cute and kind. She was everything he was looking for, but she ended their relationship pretty quickly. Apparently, Donghae was a disruptive element in their relationship and she couldn't handle it anymore.   
As he thought deeper about it, Donghae has always been in the middle of his relationships. He was a very demanding man and sometimes it was complicated to handle his need for attention.   
But again, Hyukjae didn't mind. The only person he needed was Donghae. So as long as Donghae was here, he would be okay. 

Soon, Donghae finished his shower and joined Hyukjae on the bed. They didn't cuddle but were close enough to feel each other heat.

"Hae, I have a question." Hyukjae said, all of a sudden.

Donghae turned his head. They were laying on their side, face to face. They could feel each other's breath. He made a slight move of his head, inquiring Hyukjae to continue.

"You said you've never been in love. Do you have any idea why?"  
Donghae sighed. He vaguely regretted opening to Hyukjae about his worries two days ago. Since, the black-haired man was asking more and more.

"I have no idea. I guess I never found the one and only."

"Do you really think there is a one and only? Like a soulmate?"

Donghae giggled and said, innocently, "Oh Hyukjae, you're my soulmate!"

Hyukjae looked at Donghae surprised. They sometimes joked about being each other's soulmate, but this time, even though Donghae giggled, Hyukjae knew he was very serious. He didn't know what to think anymore. Could he seriously be Donghae's soulmate and could he be his?  
He knew it was different in Donghae's mind, but for the black-haired man, soulmates meant in love. And they weren't in love... Right?

Sure, they were close, but more like brothers. Sure, they knew their whole life was depending on each other, but again, like brothers.  
But then, Hyukjae thought about his sister and he's never been as close to his sister as he was with Donghae. Probably because she's a woman. He thought about his other friends, especially his members, but he wasn't close to them the same way he was with the youngest.  
He wondered why he was suddenly thinking about this. Why was he thinking about what really him and Donghae were? Were they really just friends?

A soft knock on the door made him jump. With a stroke on Donghae’s cheek and a smile, he got up and opened the door. He greeted the waiter and took their food in their room.  
They ate, chatting happily about what they would do the next day, Hyukjae's previous thoughts completely forgotten.

"I asked the receptionist this morning, many stores are closed on Sundays. So, I asked her what we could do out of Madrid, since we have the car and she said Toledo was a beautiful city to go! The weather will be the same as today, so I thought this was a good idea!" Donghae said excited.

Hyukjae smile at his friend's happiness. He wasn't particularly excited about driving though, but why rent a car really?

"Alright, but you'll drive to go there!" he grinned.

They smiled at each other and kept on eating and chatting.  
Full, they went to sleep and fell asleep instantly, Hyukjae's leg on Donghae's.

***

"Come on Donghae, be careful with the car!" Hyukjae yelled when Donghae, while trying to park the car in Toledo, accidently touched the pavement with the wheel.

"Okay, you know what Hyukjae? I'm done with driving in here. You've been hell of a nightmare the entire ride and I am done with listening to you yelling at me! So, park the damn car, and you'll drive on the way back to Madrid" he shouted, mad. He then opened the door without waiting for Hyukjae's answer. The latter got out of the car to sit at the driver's seat, mumbling. He parked it easily and got out of the vehicle.  
They angrily glanced at each other and Donghae decided it wasn't the time to fight. He took Hyukjae around his shoulders and hugged him, stoking his back. With this caress, he was saying 'don't be mad at me, I love you'. Hyukjae knew that Donghae was apologizing without words. He finally put his arms around his friend's waist and his nose in his neck. He delicately kissed his neck, smelling his sweet scent.  
Not even realizing what he was doing, he softly put his hands on Donghae's skin, on his hips and draw random patterns. But as he was kissing Donghae's neck and stroking him, he instantly knew that he wasn't acting the way a friend would. It wasn't scaring him; it strangely was soothing to realize that maybe... Maybe his heart was considering Donghae more than a friend. But why now? They've known each other for more than fifteen years, and they had many moments of fighting than cuddling right after. So why now was he feeling like his heart might burst in his chest, and dehydrated and craving for Donghae's skin?   
Some people passed them, not even noticing their behavior. It was perfectly normal for Spanish people to see homosexual couples, Spain being considered as a country extremely respectful of gay rights.  
Donghae, completely oblivious of Hyukjae's thoughts pull back and kissed Hyukjae's nose.

"Let's go Hyuk!" He said, taking his friend’s hand in his.

They wandered around Toledo, excited every time they saw something beautiful or discovered something new. 

"Yah! This town is so beautiful!" Hyukjae said, several hours later, eating a strawberry ice-cream. They were on a bench, in the middle of a huge park. The weather was warm, and they enjoyed this pause. They already wandered around the city, ate more than needed and drunk way too much granizados. Their stomachs were full and right now they just needed to rest a bit before heading back to Madrid. Stores were closed but they really wanted to eat outside of the hotel.  
Donghae agreed. He was looking around and counting how many rose trees there were near the fountain when he spotted a couple. They were holding hands and giggling together. Then they stopped for a while and hugged, holding each other close. Donghae felt envious, wanting to be as much in love as they were.  
Hyukjae saw his friend looking at this couple. He knew what he was thinking.

"You know, I think we kind of look like them when we hug and hold hands" He said, not even thinking before speaking. When his words hit him, he blushed, uncomfortable.  
Donghae turned slowly his head to face his friend. They both were serious, looking into each other's eyes.  
"What... What do you mean?" Donghae whispered, afraid someone might hear them, while there was literally four people around them, and probably none spoke Korean.  
Hyukjae stirred on the bench, wishing he wasn't in such an awkward situation.

"Well, when people say we look like a couple, I can see why. We do almost the same as this couple and they clearly are in a relationship, so..."

Donghae gasped. What the hell was going on with his friend right now? Why was he trying to define who they were, now? Plus, they were nothing more than friends, and always said there was nothing between them, so why, oh why, would Hyukjae say such things?  
He didn't even know what to say. He was speechless, and not in the good way. He was embarrassed, sad, and uncomfortable. He suddenly stood up and said, coldly: "We should go back to Madrid."

Surprised, Hyukjae looked at his friend walking away. He stood up and followed him. He couldn't stop but think they weren't close nor holding hands when walking. Suddenly, he felt lonely.

The ride back to Madrid was silent. None of them spoke, Hyukjae focused on the road (still cursing at Spain people terrible driving) and Donghae looking through the window, a feeling of loneliness and despair rushing in his veins. He tried to understand what Hyukjae meant earlier. Was he trying to tell Donghae something? Was he confessing?  
'Hell no Donghae, stop thinking nonsense' he thought. But when he looked at his friend, studying his emotionless face, he suddenly thought it wasn't nonsense. He could feel something had changed in Hyukjae. He couldn't tell when, nor what, but something definitely happened. And he wanted to know what. So, acting as an adult (because he was an adult after all), he thought they needed to talk, to communicate and try to untie the knot that was created between them earlier.

"Hyukjae, we have to talk." He said, serious.

Surprised by his friend's sudden startle, Hyukjae tightened the steering wheel a bit harder.  
"Sure..." he answered, not so sure.

"Why did you say we act like a couple?"

"Because it is the truth, sometimes we do act like a couple. Not that it bothers me, because it doesn't, I just can't help myself but note, that, indeed, we act like a couple would."

"But, why did you say it?" Donghae asked, getting angry at his friend's laziness.

"I don't know Hae," answered Hyukjae, feeling hot and annoyed. "I just said it the same way I would've said 'oh my ice-cream is cold'! I was just saying something obvious! Why is this such a problem for you?"

Donghae didn't know. He didn't know why it was such a problem. But it was, and he was mad at his friend for not understanding why.

"Just stop the car, I need the bathroom." He said coldly.

Hyukjae looked at him, puzzled, but obeyed anyway. He stopped at the first motorway service area. Donghae stormed out of the car and slammed the door.

"Aish, so annoying!" Hyukjae said to himself.

He waited for nearly fifteen minutes in the car, ruminating, when he finally saw Donghae leaving the area. He was holding something in his hands. He opened the door and sat before giving Hyukjae a bottle of soda.

"There wasn't any strawberry milk, and I didn’t know what the other drinks were, so I took you a coke."

Hyukjae smiled at his friend's way of apologizing. He could be so childish sometimes. It was one of the many things that made him incredibly cute and mature at the same time. He smiled and thought that sometimes, actions are better than words.   
He took the bottle, brushing his fingers against Donghae's and started the car.

"God, I love you." He said, unaware of the storm inside Donghae's head. 

***

Back at the hotel, they showered fast and went downtown to eat. It was nearly nine in the evening and they were starving. They wandered a bit, trying to find the perfect place. They stopped in front of a small restaurant, full of people. When they heard music, they knew that they’d eat in this restaurant. Smiling at each other, they entered the place. A young Spanish waiter came to them and said in a smile, “Strangers?”.   
“Ah, yes...” Hyukjae agreed. The waiter giggle, winked at them and lead them to a table in the corner where they could see the band playing. They ordered their meal and two sangrias, the most famous drink of Spain. They weren’t drinkers (no one could beat Kyuhyun), but they enjoyed a bit of alcohol. 

The atmosphere of the restaurant was so different of what they were used to. It was full of people speaking loudly, laughing, couples were everywhere, kissing without minding other people. Donghae didn’t really know if he liked such a restaurant. He didn’t know if he was capable of letting go in the same way. But God knows how much he needed. He needed to be no one else than Lee Donghae, the human being who’s experiencing a life crisis. Because what happened earlier lead to a major crisis in Donghae’s mind. He didn’t know how to think properly now. He was so confused. They ate in an awkward silence. After two sangrias each though, they were feeling euphoric. Life was so good and short, and they had to enjoy it. So, when they saw people dancing in the middle of the restaurant, they stood up and started dancing as well. They felt free.

They danced as if their lives were depending on it. They were moving together, as if they were one, on the rhythm of the music. Donghae was behind Hyukjae, holding him close with his hands on his hips. Their dance was sensual. Maybe it was because of the alcohol, but they didn't pay attention to their surroundings. They were just themselves: Lee Hyukjae and Lee Donghae, dancing their lives out.  
And no one noticed them. No one recognized them. They were captivated by each other's body movement. In other’s eyes, they were just two strangers madly in love with each other who were enjoying dancing together, in a sensual way. And it was perfectly okay. 

Donghae leaned his head a little and rested his forehead on Hyukjae's neck. The alcohol in his veins was multiplying his sensations per thousands, and feeling the black-haired man moving against him, following his movements, resting his back against Donghae's chest was too much for the youngest. And still, it felt like it wasn't enough. His body was sending him signals he couldn't interpret well. His heart was bouncing in his chest, the sound in his ears made him feel dizzy.

"Hyukjae..." he whispered, "I need to get out of here..."

The older turned around and brought Donghae closer, probably trying to fuse their bodies. He lodged his head against Donghae's, his mouth against the youngest's ear. He dropped butterfly kisses on his temple and whispered something Donghae didn't understand, lost in Hyukjae's touch.  
He took a step back and looked at the black-haired man in the eyes. His glance was dizzy and confused. 

"Please... It's too hot in hear..." He begged. He needed to leave as soon as possible to get some fresh air and clear his head. What he felt was disturbing him. He wanted Hyukjae in a way he never thought he would. He wanted to bring him close to him, feel his body against his, feel his fingers touching his back, his hips, his abs... Damn Hyukjae was too handsome for now.  
Donghae knew something was wrong right now. So, he took Hyukjae's hand (who was still moving against him, in a way that was sending electric shocks in his body), paid for their meal and left the restaurant.  
They walked back to the hotel, painfully, Donghae supporting Hyukjae who couldn't bear alcohol.

"Why would you drink this much Hyuk?" the youngest said, sighing at his friend state. 

The black-haired man stopped them and look at him. He had one arm around Donghae's shoulders and the other holding Donghae's arm around his waist. He leaned his head closer, their nose touching. He closed his eyes and closed Donghae's with a soft touch of his fingers on his eyelids. He then touched his nose, his cheeks and then his lips. This touch made Donghae shiver. For a second he imagined the soft touch wasn't his friend's fingers but his lips. He opened his eyes in shock when he realized it was the first time he thought about doing such a thing and that it wasn't disgusting at all. It even untied the knot in his stomach he had since the moment on the bus the previous day.  
But it was scary. He had feelings for Hyukjae, so much stronger than friendship feelings. And it was damn scary.

Suddenly, Hyukjae took a few steps back, breaking their moment and vomit his entire meal and drinks on the pavement. Donghae went to him, soothing his back, trying to hold back his own sickness.  
They got a few disapproving glances. He slightly bowed to apologize.

"Come on Hyuk, let's go, you're completely waisted." He said, supporting the older again.

"Yes I am..." Hyukjae said, a small smile on his face.

Finally in their room, Hyukjae took off his shirt and run in the bathroom to throw up again. Donghae took off his shoes and followed him. He squatted next to him and caressed his back. When Hyukjae was done, he was resting his head on the toilet bowl, afraid to get up.  
Seeing his friend's helplessness, Donghae slowly took Hyukjae and made him sit between his legs, while he was sitting, back on the wall. He forced Hyukjae to rest in his arms and put his head on his neck. Instinctively he run a hand on Hyukjae's perfect torso. He decided he would ignore his body's reaction to Hyukjae's in order to take care of the other man.

"God you stink." Donghae said to sooth the mood and kissed Hyukjae’s temple. 

It worked because Hyukjae loosened his muscles and giggled.

"Hae, sing for me..." He asked, needing to fall asleep in this reassuring atmosphere.

"A lost dreamer, stopping here, I’m a lonely dreamer, I even forget about myself..." Donghae sang. He knew that singing their music Dreamer would appease Hyukjae and make him sleep. A few seconds later, Hyukjae was sound asleep.  
Donghae slowly stoked Hyukjae's torso, his arms, his face... Every accessible skin was being lightly touched by Donghae. 

"I love you..." He whispered, not measuring the intensity of his love.  
He then fell asleep. 

***

Hyukjae woke up with a start. He pushed whatever was laying on his torso and throw himself above the toilet bowl. He threw up for the third time of the night. His throat was burning as well as his stomach. He flushed the toilet and looked at his friend who was rubbing his eyes. Hyukjae wiped his mouth and slowly got up. He drunk a bit of water and brush his teeth, sick of his bad taste. Donghae got up and stretched his sore body. He came next to Hyukjae and stared at him in the mirror. They looked at his other, their eyes full of feelings they couldn’t explain. It was usually so easy to read each other just by staring, but now it was impossible. Hyukjae broke the moment to rinse his mouth. He sighed.

“I’m never drinking Sangria, ever. This a tasty but damn, it made me sicker than several shots!” Hyukjae said, upset. 

Donghae giggled and brushed softly Hyukjae’s arm. He didn’t know what his friend remembered, but their night was clear in his mind. The brown-haired man remembered the way they danced together, their closeness, how their bodies were moving together, in a perfect symbiosis, how he was holding Hyukjae’s waist. He remembered how much he wanted to touch his friend, how his scent was intoxicating.   
Now that the effects of alcohol were removed, he thought again about kissing Hyukjae. He wondered again what would be the sensation of his plump lips against his.   
And God damn it, it still felt right just to think about it.   
He gently stroked Hyukjae’s cheek. 

“We should go back to bed. I think it is still early in the morning and you and I definitely need some sleep.” Donghae said. He took Hyukjae’s hand and led them to the bed. 

He took off his cloths, told Hyukjae to do the same and crawled under the duvet. He sighed of contentment.   
Hyukjae didn’t even bother going in the bed. He just collapsed on the bed. He immediately rolled over to Donghae, one leg over his friend’s body, one hand on his waist and the other over his head.   
They fell asleep, soothed. 

***

"Hyukjae, I think we need to talk." Donghae said, on their way to the stadium. 

It was already late in the afternoon and they pretty much did nothing the entire day except eating and visiting Madrid. They didn’t want to do much since Hyukjae was still a bit sick and wanted to go easy to enjoy the soccer game. Donghae was excited about this game and kept talking about it.   
It was all back to normal between them. They were as close as before, and none of them thought about the strange feelings they were experiencing.   
But, once they got in the car to go to the stadium, the sudden silence brought back those thoughts in Donghae’s head. He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel anymore, and what Hyukjae and him were. But he needed answers, he needed Hyukjae to guide him and tell him how to act. 

They wanted to take the bus, but they thought it wasn't a good idea, especially for their way back to the hotel. So, they took the car.   
Hyukjae pretended to be perfectly relaxed (when really, he was not) and answered "Yes?", eyes still on the road. 

"About yesterday, in the restaurant..." Donghae said, unsure. 

"Nothing happened Hae..." The black-haired man sighed, already annoyed by the conversation. Donghae wanted to talk about it and Hyukjae didn't know how things would turn out. 

"Well, I disagree... I think something definitely happened and I want to know what you think!" 

Hyukjae sneered, irritated. 

"No, you don't" 

"I'm sorry?" Donghae said, surprised by his friend's tone. Hyukjae was usually sweet and very calm. It was quite unusual to see him loose his temper, even just a little bit. 

"I said, no you don't want to know what I think" 

Donghae wanted to yell, because yes, he wanted to know what Hyukjae thought. But instead of yelling and acting like a child he chose another approach. 

"You remember our night, right?" 

Hyukjae suddenly stopped the car, half on the pavement, half in the road. He looked at Donghae in the eyes.  
"Yes, I remember. We danced together, we were very close, then we left, I vomited my guts out, we went back to the hotel, I vomited again, we fell asleep, I threw up another time and then we went back to sleep! So what?" Hyukjae said, angry.

"Do you even remember how we danced? I'm sorry but it was so different than how we usually dance, even when we’re drunk! I think we should really talk about it!" 

"Okay Donghae, here's the thing, I don't want to talk about the dance, or anything else. We had a very good night; it was fun and very pleasant but that's all there is to say about it." 

"But why wouldn't you tell me what you think?" Donghae yelled, mad Hyukjae wouldn't be honest with him. 

"Because you'll freak out! As soon as I'd be honest with you, about what I think we shared last night, and how I truly feel, you'll freak the hell out, and I don't think we'd come out fine of the huge fight that'll accompany your fear! So please, please, can we just not talk about it and enjoy the damn soccer game we're going to, for you?" He shouted, not bearing the youngest's stubbornness anymore.   
Donghae stared at his friend, shocked, assimilating what he just said. 

"Okay..." He just said, sad his friend would still consider him like a child who wouldn't be able to have a serious conversation with his friend without running away because of fear. 

"We'll talk later..." he said to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it :)


	3. Chapter 3

The stadium was crowded. So many people came to see this game, it was giving Hyukjae a headache. No, Donghae was giving Hyukjae a headache, but the crowd wasn’t helping. He didn’t know what to think now. He wasn’t stupide, he perfectly knew that something was happening between them, and honestly it wasn’t such a problem for him. It almost made sense. No need to be a genius to figure out that him and Donghae being extremely close was the reason why they’ve never had a solid relationship with someone. But he still couldn’t understand why he was falling for Donghae now. They knew each other for so long, have been close for more than fifteen years, so why now? Maybe his age, or his need to have someone with him to share his whole life, forever. He was sitting at their sits when he saw his friend coming back from the food stalls. 

“So, I took what I could say in English: beer and French fries”. He said giving Hyukjae his beer. 

“You took a beer for me?” Hyukjae said unbelieving. He’d been sick the entire night because of alcohol, but Donghae thought taking him a beer was a good idea.

“Yes, why?” He asked, clueless.

Hyukjae smiled softly at his friend. “Nevermind” he answered and took a sip of his beverage. They waited for the game to start and chatted happily. Well, Donghae was doing the talking explaining to Hyukjae each team, the players and who they were supposed to support. 

“Okay, so this game is Real Madrid against FC Barcelona and we’re supporting Real Madrid. Why?” He asked innocently. 

“I told you Hyukkie, because we’re in Madrid, and their players are incredible!” 

“Alrighty Hae!” Hyukjae said pulling his friend’s small ponytail. “Your hair is getting longer. Don’t you want to have a new haircut?”

“Nope, I like it the way it is! Don’t you?” Donghae asked, his big eyes staring at Hyukjae. 

The latter smiled and pushed back a flyaway lock on his friend forehead. He was so handsome, whatever haircut he had. But he had to admit that long hair on Donghae was kind of sexy. Hyukjae blushed at this thought. He cleared his throat and answered, weakly: “Whatever, Hae”. 

Donghae was really curious about what was going on inside his friend’s head. Why was he acting so weird since they arrived in Madrid? He wanted to ask Hyukjae to talk to him, to be honest with him, to share his feelings with him, that he would be with him no matter what. But he remembered Hyukjae’s reaction in the car when he wanted to talk to him and stopped himself. They would have time to talk later, in their hotel room for example. He decided to put his thoughts aside and to fully enjoy the game, just like Hyukjae said earlier. 

Soon they heard big cheering and players were entering the field, one by one. Automatically both got absorbed in the game and completely forgot about their issues. At each goal, in their team they were loudly cheering and yelling. They were extremely excited and were hugging the entire game. The first half rang. They sat down on their sits (they were up the all-time, cheering) and drank their beer. 

“Yah, this is so good! I hope our team is going to win!” Donghae exclaimed, over-excited. 

“This is pretty tight... Both teams are 2-2 now...”

“Oh, come on Hyuk! You have to be more cheerful, they’re going to win, I’m sure about it!” Donghae yelled, one arm around his friend’s shoulders. 

They kept on chatting and betting on what the results would be when the second half started. The game was so tensed. Supporters were hectic, screaming their lungs out every time their team was about to get a goal. Hyukjae and Donghae were completely in the game, but mostly Donghae who was taking his friend for his puppet, squeezing him every five minutes of excitement or stress. 

“Okay, we can still win, the game is not over yet, there are still three minutes left! We just need one more goal! COME ON!” He yelled. 

Two minutes left, one, thirty seconds... and then it happened. The major attacking player run with the ball, passed it to one of his teammates who hit the ball through the goal. The crowd literally exploded. Cheers could be heard; the players were hugging each other. It was euphoric in the stadium, and Hyukjae and Donghae were ecstatic. Donghae jumped on Hyukjae’s arms who hugged him, tightly. 

“Hyukjae, we won!!” He yelled at his friend, overwhelmed. 

But then, they stared at each other and Hyukjae’s brain shut down. He kissed Donghae. It was soft, innocent and so good. It felt as if a fire was burning inside him and Donghae’s lips were water, extinguishing it. He tightened his hold on Donghae and tilted his head a bit, to have better access. He wanted so much more. This simple touch on his lips made him realize he wanted Donghae. He wanted him as his friend, but also as his lover, his soulmate. He wanted everything of Donghae. Slowly, he licked Donghae’s lips with his tongue, demanding access. Fireworks exploded in his stomach when the brown-haired man opened his mouth. Their tongues danced together on a boisterous rhythm. Still supporting Donghae, he placed one hand on his cheek and deepened the kiss even more. 

All of a sudden, Donghae broke their embrace. He got back on his feet quickly, and walk away, without a word nor a glance at Hyukjae. The latter shouted a big “fuck!” and put his head in his hand. Why did he do that? He’s never been so reckless in his entire life. He realized he had feelings for Donghae, but kissing him without a warning, nor an explanation wasn’t the best thing to do. Knowing Donghae, he was probably freaking out and booking a plane ticket to go back in Korea the next morning. He sat back and cursed at himself. 

“Good luck bro!” someone said in English, a hand on Hyukjae’s shoulder, making him startle. 

He looked at the man leaving with a small smile. He cursed at himself even more. It was a disaster: he kissed his friend, in a crowded stadium. 

“Well done Hyukjae” he thought before standing up, ignoring the cheering in the stadium, and headed to the car, hoping Donghae would be waiting for him there. 

***

Donghae was in a bathroom cabinet, head on the door. What the hell just happened? Hyukjae kissed him and he kissed him back. The worst was that he liked it. He enjoyed being kissed by his friend, it gave him goosebumps. What was he going to do now? Go back to Hyukjae as if nothing happened and never speak to him again? No, this wasn’t an option. He could go back to Korea and ignore him for a while so that his feelings could go away. But again, he couldn’t see Hyukjae, and he needed to see him, at least once a day. What could he do, then? He was helpless.   
Why didn’t he pushed back Hyukjae when he kissed him? Why, oh, why did he responded to the kiss, and deepened it? And why was he having a boner, thinking about that damn kiss?   
Donghae was confused. Too confused. He needed to sort things out with Hyukjae, as soon as possible. 

The brown-haired man opened the cabinet and went to the sink, ignoring supporters around him. He watered his face and washed his hands before leaving the bathroom. He headed to the car, convinced Hyukjae and him needed to talk. 

***

Hyukjae was leaning against the car when he saw Donghae walking towards him. He stopped a few feet from him and stared at him. Hyukjae had a strong need to walk to him, embrace him and kiss him. But he refrained himself; too much was at stake right now. Donghae broke the eye contact and walked to the car, installing himself on the driver’s seat. Surprised, Hyukjae sat next to him.   
Donghae started the car and they drove back to their hotel in silence. 

Once in their room, Hyukjae sat on the bed, while Donghae was picking up his stuff from the bathroom. Hyukjae sighed. He knew things would turn out this way. Donghae was running away. He had nothing to lose now, so Hyukjae took a big inhalation and spoke. 

“Hae... What are you doing?”

Donghae stopped in front of the table, between the bed and the bathroom and sat. He taped his fingers on the table, in a stressful way. 

“What the heck was that?” He asked, angry.   
“I... I don’t know...”

“Stop lying to me Hyukjae!” Donghae snapped, slamming the table. “You perfectly know what it was, so tell me why the hell did you kiss me?”

Sighing on exasperation, Hyukjae pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Hae, please stop...”

“Hell no, I won’t stop! Tell me what’s going on, or I’ll leave right now, and you won’t see me before a long time”. Donghae shouted, infuriated. 

“Alright Donghae, you want the truth? You’ll have it! I think that you and I are way more than friends, and I don’t know why it took me fifteen fucking years to figure it out, but there it is!” Hyukjae snapped, as mad as Donghae. 

“No, we’re not!”

Hyukjae raised an eyebrow, furious. “Oh, you think so? Well, let me explain how I see things: you and I are close, way closer than friends should be, we hug all the time, we sleep together, we do everything together, you literally fell asleep yesterday night on the bathroom floor because I was sick, you sang for me! And, yes, I remember perfectly how we danced yesterday and how fucking hot it was, so, how would you call that huh?”

Donghae undid his ponytail of frustration. He could burst in tears of sadness, he hated to fight with Hyukjae but in the same time he wanted to punch him in the face for talking nonsense. They’ve always acted like this, so why was he making a big fuss right now? They weren’t in love for God’s sake. But again, as his stared at Hyukjae in the eyes, the words ‘in love’ had a strong resonance in his head. 

Hyukjae suddenly got up of the bed. He passed by Donghae, took something out of his suitcase and was about to close the door of the bathroom when Donghae said in a low voice “We’re not done talking!”. 

“Yes, we are. You don’t want to see the truth, then I don’t want to talk to you!”. 

Donghae snapped and throw the first thing in front of him at Hyukjae. 

“What truth? Tell me Hyukjae, what fucking truth? That you and I are ‘in love’ as you said? So okay, let’s act as lovers, but then what? What’s going to happen when we’ll come back home? You know as well as I do that it is not that easy!”

“I’ve never said we’re in love! I said that we’re more than friends!” Hyukjae answered, holding the book that, thankfully, didn’t hit him. 

“Okay, so we’re not friends, but we’re not in love! Brilliant Hyukjae, I don’t know why they say I’m the dumb one!”

“Yeah well you know what, we’re two fools! Now, screw you and let me shower!” He screamed, slamming the door. 

Donghae got up to open the door, but his friend was faster and locked it. Furious, Donghae kicked it and shouted, “Open the damn door Hyukjae!”. The only answer was the sound of water. He kicked again the door (because, clearly, she was responsible of his anger) and sat on the chair near the door. 

Hyukjae sat on the floor of the bathroom, rattled by their fight. They’ve never fought like this. Usually, they were mad but never screaming at each other like this. He knew Donghae would be upset, but not this much. He knew Donghae would be oblivious, as usual, but again, not as much.   
Hyukjae didn’t want to cry, he wanted to be mad at Donghae and just hate him for the rest of night, until he’d be calmer. But this was Donghae, his Donghae he was fighting with, and it was common knowledge he was easily crying. So, he let go. He cried when he took off his cloths, hi cried when he brushed his teeth, he cried when he showered. He was trying to hold back as much as possible, the last thing he wanted was for Donghae to notice his sobbing. He dried his tears and sighed. His life was completely upside down right now and he didn’t know how he could make things better. He was completely clueless about what to do now. He dried his hair and got out of the bathroom.  
Donghae was still sitting in the chair near the door and startled when the door opened. He stood up and followed Hyukjae who laid on the bed. 

“Hyukjae... Please, I need to understand...”

The black-haired man turned around to face his friend. He wanted to hug him, and it was hurting him to have such needs. 

“I’m sorry Hae, but I don’t want to talk right now.” He said in a sigh, holding back his tears. 

Donghae noticed his friend’s helplessness.

“Why did you kiss me?” 

“God Donghae, no one ever told you you can be hell of a nightmare sometimes?” 

Hyukjae sat on the bed, back on the wall. He rubbed his face, clearly annoyed by the other’s behavior. Okay, he needed answers, and he will have them, but can’t he see that he was tired of this fight?   
But seeing his friend’s puppy eyes (damn you, puppy), he gave up. 

“I kissed you because I wanted to. I’ve been attracted by you in a different way than usual the past two days, and when you jumped in my arms, my brain stopped functioning and I kissed you.” 

Donghae was speechless, surprised by his friend’s honesty. He should be relieved he opened up to him, but truth was, he was confused. He was torn between hugging Hyukjae and kick him for ruining the special bond they had. How was he supposed to act now that Hyukjae literally confessed? Was he supposed to say, ‘I love you too’? No, he wasn’t in love with him, but why did he love the kiss so much? He had a boner because of it for fuck’s sake and it was the most enjoyable kiss he shared for a long time (probably his whole life, but he’d never admit it). 

Suddenly, Hyukjae got up the bed and took a water bottle out of the mini fridge. 

“I don’t want anything from you Hae, I just-“

“I’m confused Hyukjae. I don’t know what to do or what to say or what to feel...” Donghae said, getting up and coming closer to Hyukjae. He took the water bottle from Hyukjae’s hands and drank a bit, before putting it on the table. He was so tired of fighting, yelling and trying to understand what was going on. His head was aching so bad. 

“Help me Hyuk, I don’t know what I should do...”

“Did you...” Hyukjae inhaled, scared of his own boldness, “Did you enjoy kissing me?”

Donghae looked at his friend. His stare was so unsure, scared of the younger’s reaction. So Donghae let go.

“Yes...” And Hyukjae kissed him, fiercely. He held Donghae’s head in his hands and kissed him, as if his life was depending on it. He slowly moved his lips and teased Donghae’s lips with his tongue. He wanted to feel their tongues dancing together, he wanted to feel Donghae’s body against his. They deepened their kiss, their pink muscles discovering each other in a hot embrace. Hyukjae took a few steps forward, making Donghae step back until he hit the bed. They slowly laid down on the bed, Hyukjae on Donghae, still kissing each other. 

Donghae’s head was spinning around. Hyukjae’s lips were captivating, his tongue was soft and aggressive in the same time and Donghae was losing his mind. He was completely abandoning himself into Hyukjae’s embrace, he wanted nothing but to feel Hyukjae’s body on him. Slowly, he lifted Hyukjae’s shirt and caressed his torso. He drew random patterns, making the black-haired softly moan. They broke their kiss and stared at each other. There was nothing more in their eyes than lust. Their bodies were screaming with desire, their hands were moving with envy on them. 

Boldly, Hyukjae moved his hips in a stroke, hitting Donghae’s boner with his. A soft moan escaped Donghae’s mouth, still looking at Hyukjae in the eyes. A small smirk on the lips, the black-haired man leaned in and kissed again the younger. The kiss was hungry, their lips were moving against each other, while their tongues were meeting again. Hyukjae kept on moving his hips, stroking Donghae’s swollen member. Even though they weren’t touching each other and still had their cloths on, they were seeing stars. It was so good, and it felt so right to share such a moment. Donghae was burning inside. He was craving for Hyukjae’s touch, for his body, his movements. He lifted a bit his hips and made their crotch meet, strongly. Louder moans escaped their mouths and they kept on moving against each other, kissing each other, until they reached their climax. No words were spoken but they could feel the other close. Hyukjae felt Donghae was still holding back. He stopped kissing him for an instant and whispered against the younger’s lips, “Hae... let it go...”. Donghae opened his eyes and looked at Hyukjae. His cheeks were red, his lips were swollen, and he could feel his entire body sweating. He moved again his hips and shivered of pleasure when he saw Hyukjae face contract because of pleasure. This image made Donghae kiss Hyukjae even more, if it was possible. In one last kiss, one last hip movement, they both came, moaning their lungs out. 

Hyukjae fell near Donghae, exhausted. He knew that Donghae would freak out the next morning, he wasn’t the kind of person who’d accept the truth that easily. But their previous “activity” gave him hope. 

They didn’t say anything, and fell asleep, still on cloud nine. 

***

Donghae woke up in the middle of the night, alone on the bed. He could hear the sound of water in the bathroom. Hyukjae was probably taking a shower. He rolled over and took his phone on the floor. It was three in the morning. Donghae sighed. He was exhausted, so confused and felt disgusting, his cum sticking on his boxers. The “events” of the previous hours were occupying his mind. He didn’t know what to do. He loosened up in Hyukjae’s kisses and couldn’t believe he came because of it. And that he enjoyed, no, he loved it. He loved feeling his tongue around his, he loved Hyukjae’s touches on him and he adored the waves of pleasure he had when they were colliding their crotches together. He felt his cock twitching, just thinking about making out with Hyukjae. What was he supposed to do now?   
He got up and drank some water. He stared at the bathroom door and imagined Hyukjae shower. He imagined his hands sliding his body, wishing it would be his. But could he go there and ask for Hyukjae’s special attention when he didn’t have a clue about what was going on between them? Hyukjae admitted he was having feelings for Donghae that were more than friendship. But Donghae couldn’t tell if it was the same for him. 

Once again, desire got the better of him. He stopped thinking and opened the bathroom door. Hyukjae didn’t even turn around. His naked body was facing the wall, his hands supporting him. Donghae rapidly took off his cloths, still staring at Hyukjae’s back. He slowly entered the shower and put his hands on Hyukjae’s back. He never had a sexual experience with a man before, same for Hyukjae. But his body knew how to act so he just did what his hands wanted to. He softly kissed Hyukjae neck while his hands were stroking his shoulders, his arms, then his ribs, his waist and finally his lower abdomen. He wanted to go lower, but a hand stopped him. 

“Donghae stop...” Hyukjae said with a husky voice. 

“Why?” Donghae answered, still kissing Hyukjae’s neck. 

Hyukjae tried to resist Donghae, to resist his hungry kisses and his bold hands. But he was tired of fighting his body’s needs. He wanted Donghae so much. He slowly released Donghae’s hand and let him do whatever he wanted. He could feel the brown-haired man’s erratic breath against his neck. Eager, the younger took Hyukjae’s member in his hand. It was so different of what they had done before, but so good. Hyukjae turned around and fiercely kissed Donghae who slammed him against the wall, hot water sliding on them. Hyukjae grabbed Donghae’s hair and deepened the kiss. He sucked his lower lip, even bit it, making Donghae moan in his mouth. 

“I don’t know what’s going on... I just know that I want you so bad, Hyuk, I want you so much it hurts...” Donghae whispered on Hyukjae’s lips, lost in pleasure. Hyukjae didn’t answer and kissed even more Donghae. He grabbed his ass with his free hand and made their crotch collide together. They both moaned, wanting so much more. Donghae slowly kissed Hyukjae’s neck, his hand still on his cock. Softly, he moved his hand faster, making the black-haired man whisper his name and close his eyes. He wanted to come so badly, but in the same time, he didn’t want to stop, at all. 

Still not thinking clearly, Donghae let go of Hyukjae’s member and grabbed his thighs. He trapped the latter between the wall and his body, his legs around his waist. It was pure ecstasy to have Hyukjae in such a state, completely letting go in Donghae’s arms. They kissed again and Hyukjae tightened his hold on Donghae’s shoulders. To be perfectly honest, he didn’t know anything about gay sex. Hell, he never thought he would be in such a situation, about to have sex with his best friend. But here he was, holding him in a suggestive posture, masturbating him and about to fuck his ass. But he didn’t want to hurt him, and he was pretty sure that a dick in the ass could be painful, if not prepared well. 

“Just stop thinking for fuck’s sake!”

Donghae stared at his partner. “I don’t want to hurt you...” He mumbled, blushing. 

“Just finger me, it should help.” Hyukjae said, too lost in pleasure to be ashamed of what he just said. 

Donghae blushed harder but did it anyway. He kept on stroking Hyukjae’s cock and inserted one finger in Hyukjae’s butt hole. Hyukjae tensed instantly, the intrusion being nothing more that discomfort. However, as Donghae moved his finger, pleasure was slowly taking over discomfort. Hyukjae was moaning again, louder and louder when a second finger came in, making him shiver. Donghae made scissors movements, lost in Hyukjae’s delicious sounds. He put a third finger when Hyukjae was moving himself on Donghae’s fingers. He couldn’t hold his moans when he thought that Hyukjae was literally fucking himself on his fingers. 

“Donghae... stop now, I’m ready...”

“What? You’re sure?” Donghae said, worried to hurt him. 

Hyukjae kissed him hard to make him shut up and removed his hand of his ass. He tightened his legs around Donghae’s waist. 

“We don’t have lube...”

“I don’t care, Donghae, just fuck me!” Hyukjae said, angry Donghae wouldn’t just fuck him hard. 

Moaning at those words, Donghae kissed Hyukjae and carefully entered him. Instantly Hyukjae tensed at the intrusion. It was painful, as if he was being torn, but it was nothing he couldn’t bear. He pushed Donghae’s ass with his foot, making him enter fully. Donghae wanted to stop and wait for Hyukjae to be ready and not in pain (he could tell he was in pain), but Hyukjae kept on moving.

“Come on, Hae, move...”

So Donghae moved. He started with a slow pace, careful with Hyukjae. He wanted to move faster, harder, stronger. The tightness around his cock was probably the best feeling he’d experienced his entire life. It was so much better than every other sex session he had with girls. He couldn’t believe he was fucking Hyukjae right now, in a shower, without knowing what was happening between them. He was in heaven. Hyukjae kissed him fiercely, and grabbed his hair, inducing him to go faster. Which Donghae did. He moved faster, his balls hitting Hyukjae’s butt strongly. 

Hyukjae was losing his mind. It was too much for him. Donghae’s body against his, his mouth abused by Donghae’s tongue, his cock already leaking with pre-cum. He didn’t know how long he could hold back at this pace.   
But then, Donghae hit Hyukjae’s ball of nerves, profoundly inside of him. 

“Oh God! Donghae do it again!” Hyukjae yelled, close. 

Donghae increased his pace (if it was possible) and hit Hyukjae’s prostate, again and again, not even knowing what he was doing. He was so close. Hyukjae’s tight walls were making him go mad. His head was spinning, his body was tensed, his muscles sore, his breath completely erratic. He was a mess. 

“Hyuk... I’m so close right now... You’re so good...”

Hyukjae kissed Donghae’s neck, “Then come in me, Hae...” He whispered, breathless. 

Donghae lost control. He crazily moved his hips, going in and out of Hyukjae’s ass and came hard inside him, stroking his cock, wanting him to come too. Hyukjae reached his climax with the last thrusts Donghae gave him. He came hard on Donghae’s chest.  
They intensely screamed each other’s name, Donghae burying his head in Hyukjae’s neck, still supporting him. 

A few minutes later, when they came back from their orgasms, Donghae released Hyukjae and rinsed himself, in an awkward silence. Now that the moment was gone and he just had the best orgasm of his life, with his friend for fuck’s sake, the brown-haired man was even more confused. They should talk, definitely, but he didn’t know what to say. 

Hyukjae rinsed himself as well and left the shower. He took a towel on the shelf and left the bathroom. His ass was painful, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He laid on the bed. His attitude could seem rude towards Donghae, but honestly, he was lost. He was expecting Donghae to freak out but not to come in the shower with him and fuck him so hard. What were they supposed to do now? 

“Hyuk?”

“Hum?” The latter answered, falling asleep, naked and wet on the bed. 

Donghae bit his lips, “I think I should go back home...”. 

And here’s the freaking out and running away Donghae Hyukjae was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading :)!


	4. Chapter 4

Heechul was happily cooking ramyun with Jongwoon. They were chatting about their album, and their next projects together, when the bell rang. Heechul stopped eating and stared at Jongwoon in disbelief. All the members were in vacation somewhere around the globe or at home, and they'd never come at his place without a warning. He frowned and went to the interphone.

"Who is this?" he asked, still confused.  
"Hyung..." He heard a voice a knew crack. He instantly opened his building and unlocked his door.  
He turned to Jongwoon, "It's Donghae..." he said, surprised.  
Jongwoon opened his mouth in shock. Wasn't Donghae supposed to be in Spain With Hyukjae? He went next to Heechul and waited for the door to open, ready for Donghae.  
As expected Donghae appeared. The three of them stared at each other, holding their breath. Donghae was wearing a hat and a mask. Only his eyes could be seen. But it was too obvious that he'd been crying his eyes out, for maybe several hours. He still had his suitcase and his backpack, meaning he just landed in Korea.   
Suddenly, Donghae took off his mask and fell in the floor crying. Heechul and Jongwoon rushed to him.   
"Hyung... I made a mistake..." Donghae cried, completely devastated. The two oldest stared at each other. A big crisis was coming. But not right now, in Heechul's stairwell. 

"Come on Donghae, get up, you can't act like this in the building..." Jongwoon said, worried. 

Donghae didn't react and kept on crying. Heechul and Jongwoon lifted Donghae (hell, he was heavy) and put him down on the couch. Jongwoon stayed with him while Heechul took his bags and closed the door. He then went to his kitchen and prepared tea. Tea was always soothing people and was much better than alcohol to calm nerves.   
Donghae was still crying, head in his hands, mumbling incoherent thoughts. The two were around him, Heechul stroking his back and Jongwoon his neck. But nothing could make Donghae stop crying. He was feeling so bad. He missed Hyukjae so much and was feeling incredibly guilty for leaving him in the middle of the night after having sex, without any explanation. But what could he have done? His mind was upside down and he didn't know what to do anymore. 

"Donghae, what happened?" softly asked Heechul. 

The brown-haired man raised his head and stared at the wall. He couldn't look at his hyungs in the eyes without feeling extremely uncomfortable. How could he be honest with them? He acted like an ass with Hyukjae and was living a nightmare because of it. Oh, how much he missed him. 

"Donghae, it's okay if you don't want to tell us, but maybe it'll help you feel better..." Jongwoon outbid. 

Donghae bit his lips and moved his stare to his hands. He was still crying but in silence. 

"I... Hyukjae... We... I don't know, things went so fast!" 

Jongwoon stared at Heechul in despair. Donghae was being incoherent and they'd probably wouldn't get anything from him. It was late in the afternoon and the man truly needed to rest. 

"Donghae, go in my room and rest a bit, you seem exhausted..." Heechul said, worried for his dongsaeng. 

The younger got up, and did what he was told, like a zombie. He lied down on the bed, and fell asleep, crying for Hyukjae again and again. 

Heechul and Jongwoon were still on the couch, shocked by Donghae's state. Heechul crossed his arms on his chest, thinking hard while Jongwoon was scratching his head.   
None of them wanted to speak, afraid of what could've happened between the two. 

But they were curious. And even though they were worried, they couldn't help but feel inquisitive. 

"What the hell happened?" Jongwoon finally asked, not able to hold back anymore. 

Heechul sighed, pretty sure about what happened. It was meant to happen, and he was incredibly surprised they lasted so long as friends when they obviously were madly in love with each other. However, he was surprised by Donghae's reaction. He was expecting him to freak out and be a mess, but now he was facing a helpless and confused Donghae. 

"I think..." He bit his lips, not sure if he should explain. Donghae should be the one explaining, but Heechul could be wrong, "I think something happened in Madrid that led them to having sex and Donghae freaked out." He finally said, calm. 

Jongwoon wasn't shocked but he was surprised. He never thought they would cross the line. Everyone knew that only them could understand their bond, but he never thought they would be a couple. 

"They're gay?" He asked all of a sudden. 

Heechul snorted, annoyed by the question, "Would that be a problem?"

"No! I mean not for me and probably not for the rest of the band. But we both know how gays are treated in here. They're barely accepted...” Jongwoon said, defensive and worried for them. 

Heechul sighed. Jongwoon was right and it was bothering him. "I don't think they're gay. They've only dated girls and had sex with girls. And Donghae's state is a proof that they're not gay." He said and paused to make two cups of tea in the kitchen leaving Jongwoon in his thoughts. He went back a few minutes later and gave his friend his cup.   
"If you want my opinion, I think they're gay only for each other. We both know they're like soul mates, they're literally one. And it is probably why they never fell in love with someone else. It was either they'd fall in love with each other or be alone their entire life, as sad as it seems." Heechul concluded, staring at his bedroom’s door where Donghae was probably sleeping. 

Jongwoon played with his fingers and pouted," Don't you think you're overthinking? We're idols after all, dating isn't easy... "

Heechul raised his eyebrows, "Am I wrong though?"  
The younger chewed his lips, uncomfortable. "I guess not..." 

It was hard to admit, but Heechul was perfectly right. And it was making so much sense. The more Jongwoon was thinking about it, the more he was worried. 

"It's going to be hell of a nightmare you know. 'Eunhae' is extremely famous but God knows that if they go public things are going to be completely out of control, and they will suffer, undoubtedly." Jongwoon said, going back to the table. He put down his cup of tea and sat, eating again. Heechul sat in front of him and took some pork, wincing because it wasn't hot anymore. 

"I never said they would be a thing you know. Donghae is stubborn and if he doesn't properly realize what's at stake, Hyukjae and him won't date and they will probably destroy each other."   
"Okay, so it will end badly, anyway, that's what you're saying?" Jongwoon said, pointing his chopsticks at Heechul.   
The latter smirked and answered, "Well, there's nothing we can do, except talk to them." 

***

Later that day, Donghae woke up. His head was aching so bad and his mouth was dry. He turned around and saw on the clock it was already ten in the evening. He sighed and got up, his stomach growling of hunger. He wanted to cry again, and call Hyukjae to know if he was okay. But he was feeling numb, so he just ignored his thoughts and went to the kitchen. He was surprised to find Heechul and Jongwoon sitting on the couch, as if they were waiting for him.   
He puffed, annoyed, and tied his hair. He then took some food out of Heechul fridge and sat on the couch, between them. He didn't want to talk about what happened in Madrid. He just wanted to eat in peace and then go back to sleep in Heechul's bed. He was incapable of going back to his place, Hyukjae being everywhere. And going at Hyukjae's was out of question. 

"Can I stay here Hyung, please?" He asked in a small voice.   
"Sure Donghae..." Heechul answered with a smirk, "Only if you tell us what happened in Madrid." He added, serious. 

Donghae slowly put his plate on the coffee table and brought his legs on his chest. He rested his head on his knees. 

"Hyukjae kissed me. And then we had a big fight - I throw something at him you know- and we made out. Then we fell asleep, I woke up because he was taking a shower, and we had sex." He finally said.

"Okay and then?" Jongwoon asked, gently pressing Donghae's arm.  
"What, and then? I packed as fast as possible and came back here." He said annoyed by his Hyung’s stupid question.

"Wait, you had sex and you left?" Heechul asked repressing his laugh.  
Donghae nodded, innocently.

Heechul burst in laughter. It was so much worse than he thought. They indeed, had sex, but Donghae had been an ass by literally leaving the country right after.

"What?" The younger asked, angry.

"Well, Donghae, that's a bit harsh..." Jongwoon said scratching his neck.

"A bit?" Heechul said dumbfounded, "This is awful! Even I wouldn't do that to a one-night stand, so I can't imagine how it was for Hyukjae, your best friend!"

And Donghae started crying again imagining Hyukjae's pain. Jongwoon wanted to yell at his friend for making the younger cry again, louder than before, but got stopped by his phone ringing. He took it out of his pocket and froze. Hyukjae was calling.  
He jumped off the couch and went to Heechul's bedroom to answer.

"What?" Donghae asked, between two sobs, clueless.

"Nothing Hae..." Heechul said, knowing it was Hyukjae in the phone.

In the room, Jongwoon was trying to calm a hysterical and furious Hyukjae.

"He left Hyung! Without a word he packed and left! At three in the morning! He let me check out, give back the car and book a plane ticket on my own! Does he know how expensive this trip was? I cannot tell how much I lost but he will pay for that!" 

"Hyukjae, are you okay?" Jongwoon asked, worried for Hyukjae. Because Hyukjae was never mad, at anyone. He would not call Jongwoon for nothing. They were fighting all the time, and Hyukjae wouldn't call him if he had problems. So, Hyukjae calling him right now was the evidence that he was out of his mind.

"Of course not! I'm exhausted, the plane stank, my body is sored, and I'm alone at home, and..." He didn't finish his sentence and burst in tears.  
"Do you want me to come over?" Jongwoon asked. He wanted to be with Hyukjae, but he knew that the latter may need to be alone to sort things out.

"Yes..." the black-haired man answered, sobbing.  
"Okay..." Jongwoon answered and left the room.

He looked at Heechul comforting Donghae and pointed at the door.  
Thankfully, Heechul understood and nodded.  
Jongwoon took his cloak and shoes, and left, not without a worried look at his dongsaeng. 

***

Jongwoon left the building running and took the first cab he saw. He gave Hyukjae’s address and stayed silent the whole ride. He was so worried. Donghae was a mess at Heechul’s and Hyukjae was a mess, alone at home. And both were a mess because of each other. And the worst was that Jongwoon wanted to help them make up, or talk to each other, but he didn’t know how. He could tell Hyukjae was furious after Donghae and Donghae was feeling extremely guilty. After all, leaving your best friend behind without an explanation, right after sex was a reason to be mad. 

Soon, he reached Hyukjae’s building. He paid the taxi driver and entered the building. He reached Hyukjae’s floor and was about to tape the code (everyone knows Hyukjae’s password) but refrained himself, not wanting to upset even more his friend. He softly knocked. He waited several minutes and knocked again. After five minutes of knocking and waiting, he decided to enter anyway, too worried to care. He opened the door and found Hyukjae’s apartment in the dark. He moved to the living room but tripped on something hard. He shouted silently, not wanting to scare Hyukjae and cursed at him for leaving his suitcase in the entrance. He spanned the object and reached the power switch to turn on the light.   
The image in front of him broke his heart. 

Hyukjae was sitting on his couch, still fully clothed, and was sobbing hard. He raised his head when Jongwoon turned on the lights and stared at his friend. His eyes were red, and his lips were trembling. 

“Hyung...” He murmured, tears rolling down his face and ending their route in his mouth. 

Jongwoon rushed to his dongsaeng and hugged him tight. Hyukjae was a ball a sadness and Jongwoon was trying his best to sooth him. He gently stroked his back and was whispering calming words to Hyukjae, but without success. The latter was crying hard, almost hysterically and couldn’t stop. He was in despair and Jongwoon didn’t know what to do else. He certainly didn’t want to leave the younger alone on the couch, not even to cook something for him.   
He stayed next to him, stroking his back and rocking him, for several minutes, maybe hours. But as time was passing by, Hyukjae wasn’t calming down, and he was starting to hyperventilate. 

“Hyukjae, calm down...” Jongwoon said, taking off Hyukjae’s hands of his face. 

But the younger couldn’t stop crying. Jongwoon took Hyukjae’s face in his tiny hands and forced him to look at him. 

“Calm down... Breath in, breath out...” He said. Hyukjae followed Jongwoon’s breathing and closed his eyes, slowly calming the storm inside of him. He was in despair and full of regrets. He shouldn’t have kissed Donghae in the stadium, shouldn’t have made out with him and, for God’s sake, shouldn’t have had sex with him. How could he had been so reckless? He was always careful, always controlling his actions and now, just because of his body’s reactions to Donghae he completely lost it. 

“I’m an idiot Hyung...” He whispered, his voice cracking. 

Jongwoon released Hyukjae’s head and soothed his back, afraid he might have another panic attack. 

“No, you’re not...” Jongwoon answered. 

“You don’t know what I’ve done Hyung, I messed everything up!” Hyukjae said, taking his head in his hands, pulling on his hair. 

“Tell me what happened Hyukjae.” 

“You wouldn’t understand Hyung.” Hyukjae said. 

Jongwoon sighed, defeated and got up. He went to the kitchen and boiled water for some tea. He vaguely thought of giving alcohol to Hyukjae to make him forget a little bit about what was going on, but it didn’t seem like the best idea.   
He was preparing the teapot when he heard Hyukjae leave the couch and go to his bathroom. Jongwoon soon heard the sound of water. 

Fifteen minutes later, tea was much ready and Hyukjae finally came back in the living room, cleaned and in pajamas. 

“Maybe you should sleep a bit Hyukjae...” Jongwoon said while giving him a cup of tea. 

“I won’t be able to sleep...”

Jongwoon sat in front of Hyukjae at the kitchen table and put his hand on Hyukjae’s, “Tell me what happened Hyukjae...”

A tear rolled down the younger’s face when he started talking, “I can’t even tell you how exactly things happened... I was having strange feeling towards Hae and our usual closeness was literally sending shivers down my spine. I was craving for him, for his touches, for his body... I was completely falling for him. But I couldn’t figure it out. Or, no, I didn’t want to realize what was going on, he’s my friend, not a random guy. And I’ve never been attracted to a man before...” He stopped and drank some tea, more and more tears rolling down his face. “And I’ve never been attracted to Donghae before. We were nothing but friends. But yesterday, or the day before, honestly, I’m too jetlagged to know what day it is, when he jumped in my arms in the stadium, I just... I wasn’t thinking at all, and I kissed him. And, Hyung, I hate to admit it because it led us to where we are now, but the kiss was outstanding.”

“Wait, you kissed Donghae, like a real kiss on the mouth, in a crowded stadium?” Jongwoon asked, his eyes opened in shock. 

Hyukjae wiggled on his chair, uncomfortable. He knew he made a huge mistake and was praying every minute since then that no one recognized them and took a picture, or worse, a video. 

“Oh my God, Hyukjae!” Jongwoon was ready to yell at him and be truly mad, but his friend’s despair stopped him. There was plenty of time to be mad at him, later. 

“Keep going, Hyukjae.” He said, rubbing his face. It was going to be a long night. 

“After that, we had a huge fight, like enormous. We yelled at each other, and he even throw a book at me.” A small laugh escaped his lips, remembering his friend’s absurd gesture. 

“And then, one thing led to another, and we made out on the bed of the hotel room. I’m not telling you any detail because I don’t want to embarrass you more than you are Hyung, but it was pure ecstasy.” 

Jongwoon closed his eyes, grateful and nodded.

“Then, we fell asleep.”

“That’s it?” Jongwoon asked, surprised, because Donghae told them they had sex. 

Hyukjae cleared his throat, uncomfortable. 

“Well no... I woke up in the night, and I was sweating and feeling incredibly gross, so I took a shower. And Donghae joined me a few minutes later. And... we had sex. Like real sex, if you see what I mean...”

“Yes, I do thank you.” Jongwoon snapped, extremely uncomfortable. 

Hyukjae stared at him as if he was saying ‘you asked for it’. It felt oddly good to talk about the previous events with Jongwoon. He was incredibly sweet and a good listener and Hyukjae felt a weight leave his shoulders. But the weight came back as soon as he thought about Donghae leaving him. 

“After that, I went back on the bed and wanted to sleep. I thought that maybe we could talk the next morning you know. But Donghae freaked out. Like really. So, he just packed his stuff, in front of him and left the hotel room without saying anything. I guess he took the first plane and probably landed this morning.”

“He arrived in the middle of the afternoon.”

“You saw him?” Hyukjae asked, surprised by his friend’s confession. 

Jongwoon nodded, uncomfortable by his dongsaeng’s stare. 

“How was he?”

“Honestly Hyukjae, he was a mess.” Jongwoon said and was about to tell him more about Donghae when the front door suddenly opened, making the two startle. 

“Yah Lee Donghae! No one ever told you to knock?” Heechul yelled, right behind Donghae. 

“What the fuck?” Hyukjae shouted at Donghae and Heechul who were entering his apartment, “Get out!”

“I’m sorry Hyukjae, I couldn’t hold him back. When he forced me to admit you were back in Korea he completely lost it and was shouting and cursing and he wanted to drive here, but clearly, he could have had an accident so I drove him here, but he is way stronger than me and I couldn’t stop him!” Heechul yelled, but only Jongwoon was listening. 

Hyukjae was a few meters from Donghae, fuming in rage. He wanted the younger out of his apartment, he wanted nothing to do with him right now, he was too hurt. He wanted to slap him for being the worst ass of the entire planet. He wanted to shout at him for literally abandoning him after fucking him. But in the same time, he wanted to hug the younger, dry his tears, and kiss him, rock him. His hands wanted to discover the other’s body, to make him scream his name again and again without even touching his sensitive parts. 

Donghae was crying. Tears were rolling down his face as he was looking at Hyukjae in the eyes. He could feel the other’s anger against him, and he couldn’t blame him. If he was him, he probably would’ve slapped him and cut him off his life. But he was the mean one here, and he wanted to hug Hyukjae. He wanted to melt in his arm. He wanted him to kiss him, and stroke him, and so much more. He was burning inside.

Both stared at each other, the two others completely forgotten. 

Jongwoon slowly moved from the kitchen table. He passed the two, still ignoring them and took Heechul’s arm.

“We should go...” he whispered.

“He’s going to kill Donghae, Jongwoon!”

“No, I won’t. Please, leave.” Hyukjae said, his voice cold and angry.

Heechul gasped but nodded. There was nothing he could do, if they wanted to fight, they would anyway. He followed Jongwoon and waited for the lift. They left the building in silence, both worried. 

***

Hyukjae and Donghae were still starring at each other. Donghae was afraid to move and Hyukjae was refraining himself from moving. To many confused thoughts were in his mind, and he was battling so much. He was so mad and so sad. Donghae’s tears were tearing him apart. He preferred broking their stare. 

He cleared his throat and asked, his voice much weaker than he’d want to, “Why are you here Donghae?”

The younger was surprised and took a few steps, closer to Hyukjae. “I... I wanted to see you...”

Hyukjae was trying so hard to keep cool, but Donghae’s needy attitude was making things harder.

“Why?” he asked, his hands gripping his cup of cold tea. 

“I... I don’t know Hyuk... I just... I needed to see you...”

“Oh, you needed to?” Hyukjae asked sarcastic, “Do you know what I needed in the hotel room, right after you’ve fucked me Donghae?”

Donghae remained silent, ashamed. He knew Hyukjae would be mad, and he couldn’t do anything except crying. 

“I needed you to be brave Donghae and act like the fucking adult you are!” Hyukjae snapped. “I needed you to face the consequences of your actions for once in your life! I knew you’d freak out, I even told you, you would back in the car in Madrid, remember? But leaving me, right after we had sex, without even looking at me, is something I wouldn’t thought you’d be capable of doing!”

“Hyukjae, please let me explain...” Donghae begged. 

“Why should I? Did you let me explain? No! You left before I could say one fucking word!”

“I got scared, alright? I’m fucking scared!” Donghae yelled. 

“And what about me, Donghae?” Hyukjae shouted louder, throwing his cup on the floor, “What about my feelings?”

“Hyukjae, I’m begging you...” Donghae said, falling on the floor, crying harder. 

Hyukjae was furious. He couldn’t bear Donghae’s presence right now. He stooped down and pick up the pieces of his broken cup, careful not to cut himself. He threw them in the trash and passed Donghae still on the floor, crying. 

“I’m going to bed. Do whatever you want, I don’t care.” He said, cold and distant. 

He then slammed the door of his bedroom and laid on his bed. He tried to calm his nerves, but his whole body was burning. He was tensed and angry and wanted to strangle Donghae for being such a pain in the ass. He shut his eyes and tried to get some sleep. 

But minutes passed, then hours and he couldn’t fall asleep. Donghae was still crying in his living room, louder and louder, and it was breaking Hyukjae’s heart. He was mad, oh so mad, but he was human, and he loved Donghae, in every possible way. He couldn’t let him cry his eyes out the whole night. 

Cursing at him for being weak, he left his bed and went to his living room. As expected, Donghae was still on the floor crying. Hyukjae kneeled next to him and slowly soothed his back. Donghae startled at the sudden touch and raised his head, facing Hyukjae.   
The latter gently dried Donghae’s cheeks and closed his eyes, a sigh leaving his mouth.

“I’m so mad at you Donghae... You’re making me crazy, and you’re hurting me...”

Donghae spluttered. His chest was burning from the crying and his body was aching. 

“Hyukjae...” He whispered, abandoning himself in Hyukjae’s touch. He looked at him, his tensed face, and his skin paler than a ghost. He slowly leaned in, getting closer to the elder’s mouth. 

“Don’t do that Donghae...” Hyukjae warned, too weak to resist Donghae. 

“But I want you... I want you Hyukjae, and I don’t know why, but I want you... Even more than in the shower...”

Hyukjae shivered. He wasn’t sure that having sex with Donghae would help them sort things out.   
Donghae passed his hands behind Hyukjae’s neck and climbed on Hyukjae’s lap. He rested his forehead on the latter’s and brushed his lips against Hyukjae’s. 

“You said I should act like an adult... So, tell me Hyuk, what am I supposed to do?” He asked, waves of pleasure rushing down his veins. He could feel Hyukjae’s body already reacting.

“You should sort things out on your own...” the black-haired man answered, common sense deserting his brain. He was close to lose control and if he did, he wouldn’t stop at all, and it would make things worse. 

“Help me...” Donghae whispered, dropping butterflies’ kisses on Hyukjae’s neck. His scent was already making him dizzy. 

“How?” Hyukjae asked, his throat dry. He stuck his nails into Donghae’s hips. 

“Take me... I want you so bad...” 

And Hyukjae lost it. He caught Donghae’s lips in a hot kiss. It wasn’t innocent at all, it was powerful, their tongues already dancing together, sensually. The soreness of their bodies didn’t matter anymore, only each other’s embrace was important. Hyukjae knew he would regret this in the morning, again. But what could he do? The object of his desires was craving for him, was asking for him, so, how could he resist? He was mad, but not insensitive and the need to make Donghae his was too much for him. 

Even though the floor was hurting him, Hyukjae didn’t want to move a bit. He wanted to keep on kissing Donghae, stroking his back with his hands, already under his clothes. Slowly, he took off Donghae coat, then his cap. He was still having his hair tied in a ponytail, but Hyukjae undid it, wanting to feel Donghae’s hair under his hands. He softly pulled his hair, making the younger throw his head backwards, giving a full access to his neck to Hyukjae. The latter didn’t lose a minute and started kissing the soft skin under Donghae’s chin. He wanted him so bad, but he wanted to discover Donghae’s body in its entirety. After all, he wasn’t sure he would have the chance to do so another time. He sucked on the skin covering his Adam’s apple, deliberately biting on it to mark him. 

Donghae was already moaning Hyukjae’s name, lost in pleasure and lust. The black-haired man’s plumped lips were making miracles on his skin and it was absolutely thrilling. His arms were still around Hyukjae’s neck, gently pulling his hair. He wasn’t doing much though, abandoning himself into Hyukjae’s sweet embrace. 

Hyukjae took off Donghae’s shirt and bit his lips, contemplating the other’s body. He was often making fun of his muscles, but damn, he was hot. Sweat was already covering his chest, making Hyukjae shiver. He was making Donghae sweat and he couldn’t wait to move on to the next step. He slowly put one hand on Donghae’s neck, the other on his small back and swing them backwards, Donghae laying on the floor, Hyukjae above him. 

Smoothly, he kissed Donghae’s neck, then his collarbones. He arrived to Donghae’s nipple and abused the left one with his tongue, the other one being teased with his hand. 

“Oh God...” Donghae whispered, his head spinning around. 

With his free hand Hyukjae opened Donghae’s pants, still abusing his nipples. He gently took off the latter’s pants and his boxers, in the same time. Donghae was now naked under him, demanding nothing else than being taken care of. He wasn’t giving Hyukjae anything, only receiving, but the elder didn’t mind, too happy to have Donghae for himself. 

Donghae suddenly pulled on Hyukjae’s hair, attracting him to kiss him, deeply. He sucked his lips, his tongue making Hyukjae moan in the kiss. It was so damn good, but his swollen member was aching in his pants. He broke the kiss, and slowly undid his shirt, one button after the other, Donghae looking at him with envy. How things escalated so fast, they didn’t know. They only thing they were sure of was that it was too damn good to even think about stopping. Once his shirt fully removed, Hyukjae took off his pants and was now naked, toping Donghae. He noticed the younger’s stare at his body. 

“Do you like what you see?” Hyukjae teased, leaning in for another kiss. 

“Hell yes... You’re so fucking hot...” Donghae answered, slightly blushing. 

Hyukjae smirked and kissed Donghae. He then kissed his neck, his chest and his lower abdomen. Contrary to Donghae, he knew a little about gay sex. Not that he ever had sex with a guy, but he was curious and documented himself about it. But he wasn’t thinking about theory right now.   
He was just doing what felt right to him and was guided by Donghae's intense moans.  
He gently kissed Donghae's lower abdomen before going even more down and licked Donghae's swollen cock.

"Oh my God!" Donghae screamed, overwhelmed by the sensation.

Encouraged, Hyukjae sucked the younger's member in its full length, not minding his gag reflex.  
Donghae was completely lost in pleasure, only feeling Hyukjae's tongue in his cock, and God, it was pure ecstasy. He wanted to open his eyes and look at Hyukjae sucking him, but he was afraid it would make him come right away and he wasn't done yet.

Between moans, the brown-haired man felt fingers on his mouth. Not understanding Hyukjae's intention, he finally looked at him, questionably.  
The elder released Donghae's cock in a "pop" and answered with a husky voice, "Suck them."  
So Donghae did. He took the three fingers in his mouth while Hyukjae was kissing his chest and stroking his cock with his hands. Donghae was strangely excited about sucking Hyukjae's fingers, and slightly imagined if he was sucking his cock instead. This made his cock twitched in pleasure.  
Judging his fingers wet enough, Hyukjae pull them out and went back to Donghae's member, sucking again.

"Stop, Hyuk... I don't want to come like this..."

Not listening, Hyukjae kept on sucking him, knowing perfectly that once he'd start finger Donghae, he would feel pain.

Gently, he inserted one finger in Donghae's hole. The latter instantly tensed, the intrusion being uncomfortable. But soon, pleasure took over discomfort, and Donghae was moaning again, Hyukjae's finger going in and out of him and his cock still in the latter's mouth. God, it was outstanding.  
A second finger came, but Donghae barely felt it, lost in Hyukjae.  
It was all about Hyukjae. Hyukjae's mouth, Hyukjae's fingers, Hyukjae's body, Hyukjae, Hyukjae, Hyukjae...

Finally, a third finger came making Donghae shiver. It was more painful, especially with the moves Hyukjae was doing, stretching him as much as possible.

A few minutes later though, Donghae was a mess, moaning Hyukjae's name, again and again, making the elder’s head spin around. He was doing his best to refrain himself to fuck Donghae right now on the kitchen floor. But he wanted to make things right, he wanted to reassure Donghae and make love to him, not just fuck him.  
Suddenly, Hyukjae pulled over, leaving Donghae's cock and his hole.  
His body was aching too much, as well as Donghae's. The kitchen floor definitely wasn't a good idea. Not figuring out how, Hyukjae managed to kiss Donghae and carry him on the couch, where their bodies wouldn't hurt.  
He laid Donghae on the back and came above him, between his spread legs.

"You're ready?" Hyukjae asked, thoughtful.

"Hell yes... Come Hyukjae."

"It will hurt, so tell me if you want me to stop..." Hyukjae whispered, praying his   
preparation would be enough. In the shower, he was barely prepared but wanted it so much that it took over pain. But Donghae was a mess emotionally, and he was capable of stopping Hyukjae if it was too painful, ruining any hope for them to make up.  
He spit in his hand and put it on his aching cock. Lube was in his bedroom and he didn't want to leave Donghae right now, so saliva it was.

Slowly, he positioned himself between Donghae's legs, and gently entered into him.  
Donghae stopped breathing at the pain. How could Hyukjae ask for him to move right away in the shower? It was painful, and pleasure was almost completely gone. But he wanted this. He wanted to feel Hyukjae in him.  
When the latter was entirely in him, he saw his face contract, probably retaining himself as much as needed.

"Kiss me..." Donghae whispered, in need.

Hyukjae leaned in, trying to don't move his cock inside of Donghae and kissed him, fiercely. He sucked his lips, licked his tongue.  
Boldly, Donghae moved slowly his hips. He was surprised at the strange pleasure he felt.

"Donghae don't move, I don't want to hurt you..."

"Hyukjae... Lose control, and fuck me alright?"

And Hyukjae lost it, again. He powerfully moved his hips, and moaned, Donghae’s walls being too tight for him. It was amazing. Donghae was also moaning, and repeating Hyukjae's name, again and again. But the position wasn't ideal, and both felt it, Hyukjae couldn't move the way he wanted to.  
Donghae had an idea. He pushed back Hyukjae out of him. Hyukjae was about to ask him what he was doing when he saw him turning around, and presenting his perfect ass to Hyukjae, his arms and legs supporting him.

"Oh God." Hyukjae murmured. He slowly kissed Donghae's back and entered him again, fiercely. He instantly touched Donghae's sweet spot, making him scream his name louder. They were a mess. They were lost in each other's body, hips movements and screams. They weren't thinking about anything, just screaming, again and again.  
Hyukjae took Donghae's cock in his hand and stroked him on the same pace than his hips. He wouldn't last longer, and he wanted Donghae to come before him to be sure he'd have a full orgasm. He intensified his movements even more and leaned in, his mouth close to Donghae's ear, "Come for me Hae..."

And Donghae came, fiercely, in Hyukjae's hand and on the couch. His eyes went blank, lost in Hyukjae. He was on cloud nine.  
The hole around him tightening sent Hyukjae far away and he came hard in Donghae in one last powerful hip movement. They screamed their names and collapsed on each other, exhausted. 

Minutes went by and both were recovering from their amazing orgasms. And now, Hyukjae was scared. He was scared of Donghae’s unpredictable reaction. And Hyukjae was done with suffering.   
He left the couch and took some tissues to clean his hands and the couch. He gave some to Donghae so that he could clean himself. He then took their clothes on the floor and gave Donghae his. 

Once fully clothed, Hyukjae looked at Donghae, who was holding his head in his hands. Hyukjae scratched his neck in discomfort. 

“You can stay on the couch if you want, it’s late... But I think you should go home and figure things out. We can’t keep on having sex like this and I can’t keep on suffering.”

Donghae looked at Hyukjae, torn. He was right, he needed to figure things out, because too much was at stake right now. But he needed to know something before. 

“Do you love me?” he asked, tears already in his eyes. 

Hyukjae sighed and closed his eyes, hands on his forehead, “I do Donghae. I love you more than anything. I’m madly in love with you. Even if I didn’t want to, I’d still love you. I’ve got you under my skin Donghae.” 

With a final stare at Donghae, still crying, Hyukjae left the living room and went to his bedroom. He waited to be under the blanket to cry, his heart aching so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it :) Thank you for reading!!


	5. Chapter 5

Donghae sat on Hyukjae's couch for hours. His body was sore, especially his ass, due to their previous activity.   
He knew he should go home, like Hyukjae said. But he didn't want to. As minutes were passing by, his heart was aching a bit more.  
Hyukjae's words were resonating in his head. Of course, he knew Hyukjae loved him, but he didn't know he was in love with him. He didn't know that Hyukjae was, as he said, crazy about him and, worse, he didn't know that it would confuse him even more.

When Heechul finally admitted that Hyukjae was back in Korea, he thought, wrongly, that seeing him would help him figure out his feelings. But it ended the exact same way that in Madrid; they had sex because Donghae was way to confused by Hyukjae's body. And even though he cried like never because of their fight, he couldn't help but feel turned on by Hyukjae's reaction. Hearing his screams at him, throwing something of anger because of Donghae was exciting, because it meant that Hyukjae cared. Not that he thought Hyukjae didn't care, but he wanted to know, every minute that Hyukjae cared about him, and loved him.

He's always been seeking for Hyukjae's attention and approval but now that they crossed the line and started having sex, he wanted to know that Hyukjae cared about him and wasn't just trying to fuck his best friend.

But now that he had all the answers he needed, he couldn't figure things out. He couldn't tell if he loved Hyukjae more than a friend or not. And this need he had for Hyukjae's body wasn't helping him at all. Because, if he was indeed in love with Hyukjae, then they'd date, and be in a relationship. But was he ready? And was it worth it? Dating as an idol is hard, but dating someone of your own band? That's almost suicidal in their society. Even now, if anyone found out that they shared a kiss and had sex twice, they would be ruined. But if he had to face the truth, if they'd end up dating a random girl or each other, the ending would be the same: super junior would come to an end. They survived to Sungmin's marriage because he stepped back. But if him or Hyukjae ever get married, this would be the end. And Donghae wasn't ready for that. He wanted to enjoy his life as an idol as much as possible, but in the same time, as he said to Hyukjae, he wasn't getting older and the need to have a partner and a family of his own was getting stronger.

But right now, because of the thing going on between Hyukjae and him, he didn't even know what he wanted. It was like his body and heart were sending him signals and messages that his mind and consciousness weren't able to understand.  
He needed to think clearly. So, Donghae took his phone and opened a note. He decided to write on it everything that made him attracted to Hyukjae; his kindness, his laugh, his mind, his smile. But there was more: his body, his sweet lips, his kisses, his oh so talented hands, his ass... Everything in Hyukjae was making Donghae's head spin around.  
But then, he wrote the cons on starting a relationship with Hyukjae: no marriage, no children.

Donghae throw his phone on the wall of anger. Making a list didn't help him at all, it confused him a little more and saddened him.

But, as he was scratching his head of frustration, he heard a small noise coming from Hyukjae's bedroom. He instantly got up, took his phone back and went to the door, ear stuck on it. The noises Hyukjae was making broke his heart. He was crying, hard.  
Not thinking about consequences, he tried to open the door.

But the door was locked.

"Hyukjae?"

No response, only sobs.

"Hyukjae, open the door..." He asked, as softly as he could.

He wasn't upset, but he needed to see Hyukjae and comfort him. He needed to feel him cling on him until he'd feel better.

"Hyukjae... Please... I need to see you..." Donghae asked again, his eyes already teary.  
But Hyukjae didn't move. He stayed in his bed, crying and fighting the urge to open the damn door.  
Donghae slowly fell on the floor, his head on the door and started to cry. He cried in silence, matching his sobs to Hyukjae’s. If he wasn't so tired, he would've crashed the door. But he couldn't. So, he just stayed behind the door, crying for Hyukjae, until he fell asleep of exhaustion.

A slight touch on his cheek woke him up in a start. He saw Heechul close to him, stroking his cheek and softly smiling.  
As he was slowly getting conscious, he heard Hyukjae still crying. He didn't know for how long he fell asleep but Hyukjae didn't.

"Donghae... Get up, you have to leave now..."

Donghae turned around and found Jungsoo behind Heechul, worried. He was confused, why were they here?  
He tried to open the door again, but it stayed shut, like before.

"Donghae, please..." Heechul whispered to the younger.

"I can't leave Hyukjae, he's crying..." Donghae said, worried.

"Donghae, I'm sorry to say this, but he's crying because of you. Why do you think we're here? He texted us, asking us to come over to pick you up... Please Donghae, you have to leave..." Jungsoo said, feeling horrible to speak this way.

But there was no choice. Hyukjae was seriously hurt, and emotionally weak. Jungsoo didn't even know what was happening when he received the text. But receiving a text from Hyukjae asking to make Donghae leave was all he needed to know something bad was going on. He left his house quickly and was surprised to find Heechul in front of Hyukjae's apartment, as if he was waiting for him. The latter explained the whole situation to him, and they finally entered the apartment.

"I want him Hyung... I need him..." Donghae said, crying again.

Heechul took Donghae’s head in his hands and forced him to look at him in the eyes. His stare was compassionate but serious.

"Donghae you’re being selfish. If you wanted him that much, you would be with him in this bed, and you wouldn't be crying if you see what I mean. But Hyukjae locked his room and you're both crying. So, I think that it’s time you put aside your wants and needs to let Hyukjae take some rest. And you both have to think about what you both want, whether it is as friends or more. So Jungsoo is going to stay here for the rest of the night, even though it's already six in the morning, and you're coming home with me. Alright?" Heechul finally said, hoping it would make his dongsaeng a bit more reasonable.

Even though Donghae wanted to stay with Hyukjae, he silently admitted Heechul was right. They were all right. He was hurting Hyukjae for craving for him but not giving him more because of his confusion. And he was hurting himself by constantly clinging on Hyukjae. He hurt him by leaving Madrid so abruptly and coming to his apartment, asking for him the next day. So, as painful as it was, Donghae got up. With one last touch on Hyukjae's door, he walked away, his eyes burning and his heart heavy. Heechul turned to Jungsoo and whispered a small 'good luck' before following Donghae and leaving. 

After few minutes of staring the door, Jungsoo softly knocked, "Hyukjae... it's me Jungsoo...". He got no answer. Hyukjae was still crying in his bed, Jungsoo could hear him. 

“Hyukjae, Donghae left with Heechul... Can you open the door for me?” Jungsoo asked, worried for Hyukjae. But Hyukjae didn’t move. As Jungsoo was getting more worried, he thought about smashing the door. He took a few steps back and prepared himself to run. But, suddenly, the door opened. Hyukjae was stranding in the frame door, in pajamas, his eyes swollen and his hand gripping the door handle.   
Jungsoo didn’t know what to say, or how to say something. And seeing Hyukjae’s state, he figured the latter wasn’t capable of talking. He seemed exhausted. 

Jungsoo slowly came closer to his dongsaeng and carefully hugged him, because it was all he could do. There was time to talk later. He slowly guided Hyukjae back in his bed. The black-haired man laid under the cover and tried to calm his erratic breath and his cries. His heart and head were aching so much. He didn’t want to think anymore, he just wanted to sleep and forget how much he was hurt for a few hours. He knew that, as soon as he’d wake up, he would have to be responsible and face his feelings and decide what he wanted. Because Donghae wasn’t the only one who needed to figure things out. Even though Hyukjae admitted he was in love with Donghae, he still had to determine what he wanted to do now, with or without Donghae. But right now, he just needed some rest. He felt Jungsoo sitting on the bed, head resting on the headboard. Hyukjae turned around and face his Hyung, “Thank you Hyung...” he whispered, hoping Jungsoo would feel his gratitude in those words. The latter opened his eyes and gently stroked Hyukjae’s hair, in a soothing way. He smiled at him and closed his eyes again, tiredness rushing in his body.   
They both fell asleep pretty quickly, even though one was worried as hell and the other was ill with love. 

***

It was ten in the morning when Heechul woke up in his bed, Donghae next to him. His head was aching, and his body was nothing but pain. He looked at Donghae who was still sleeping, even though his face seemed tensed. Heechul sighed and silently left the room, abandoning the idea of going back to sleep. His mind was confused as hell. He thought he knew what would happen between his dongsaengs, but considering the previous night’s events, he wasn’t sure of anything now. Donghae seemed completely at lost, so was Hyukjae and Heechul couldn’t find a way to make things better between them.   
But in the same time, could things get better? It seemed like something was broken now, and they couldn’t go back to ‘normal’.   
Rubbing his eyes, Heechul waited for his water to boil when his phone rang. He checked the name on the incoming call, not wanting to talk at all. But it was Jungsoo, who was currently taking care of Hyukjae. Heechul made sure his bedroom door was closed and answered, in a low voice. 

“Jungsoo, how are things going on?” he asked, not bothering to say good morning. After all they last saw each other a few hours ago. 

He heard Jungsoo sighed, “Well, this is not how I imagined my vacation...” he said, bitter but worried. 

“Yes... how’s Hyukjae?” Heechul asked, pouring his tea in his favorite cup. He prepared one cup for Donghae he could warm up if necessary. 

“Honestly, I never saw him like that. He’s still sleeping, but yesterday when you left, I struggled to make him open the door, and when he finally did, he seemed like a ghost. This was a bit scary to be honest...” Jungsoo said, concerned. 

“Same with Donghae... I honestly don’t know what to think about this situation...” 

Jungsoo stayed silent, thinking hard. Both were worried and helpless. They didn’t know what to do, nor what to say. They didn’t want to interfere in their friend’s personal matter, but it seemed like they weren’t capable of resolving their problems on their own. 

“Heechul, you have to talk to Donghae, alright? I’ll talk to Hyukjae.” Jungsoo finally said, determined. 

“I think they need to talk to each other, rather than us.” Heechul said, not convinced.

“And I agree, but how do you want them to talk when they don’t know what they both want? It won’t end well.” The elder answered. “I don’t know what happened last night, but I think it is worse when they see each other. Can I count on you to stop Donghae if he wants to see Hyukjae?”

Heechul snorted, the previous night still in his mind. “I’d like to, but I tried to stop Hae yesterday and it didn’t work. We should call Siwon...” 

Jungsoo sighed, not sure it was the best idea to tell everyone about this. Already him, Heechul and Jongwoon knew what was happening. But it was primordial that Donghae and Hyukjae avoid seeing each other, at least for a few days. 

“Alright, call him. I’ll handle Hyukjae.” Jungsoo finally said. 

Heechul agreed and hang up. He sent a text to Siwon, asking him to come to his place, quickly. He didn’t wait for an answer and went to his bathroom to take a shower. He was tired and hoped water would relax him a little. The next few days were going to be hard and he needed some peace before the big storm named Donghae would wake up.   
Fifteen minutes later, he was a bit more fresh and ready. Donghae was still sleeping, which was a good thing, and Heechul waited for Siwon to arrive on his couch, watching TV. 

Finally, Siwon arrived. He softly knocked on the door. Heechul opened it and dragged Siwon in the kitchen, far from his bedroom. The more Siwon knew, the better he’d handle Donghae. 

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Siwon asked, worried. 

Heechul sighed, already annoyed to have to tell Hyukjae and Donghae’s story for the second time in a few hours. 

“Ok, so to be quick, because I know that freaking kid is going to wake up soon, something happened between Hyukjae and Donghae. They were in Madrid, as you know, and, well they had sex, and-“

“Sweet Jesus!” Siwon exclaimed, shocked.

“Oh, shut it you Horse, they had sex so what? They’re your friends so stop being sensitive!” Heechul snapped.

“I’m not being sensitive, just shocked, since they’re supposed to be friends, and you don’t fuck your friends, whatever your gender.” Siwon retorted, annoyed by Heechul’s reaction.

“Anyway, they had sex, Donghae freaked out, came back in Korea and went to my place. But when he found out that Hyukjae also came back, he lost it and went to his apartment. Jongwoon and me left them, because, clearly, they needed to be alone. But, later, Hyukjae sent a text to Jungsoo and me to pick up Donghae at his apartment. They were both crying. Now, we have to stop them to see each other for a few days, until they have time to calm a little and think, and that’s why you’re here!” Heechul finally said, breathless. 

Siwon stared at him in shock. He never thought he’d have to handle such a situation, and worse, handle a needy and confused Donghae. It was going to be a nightmare. But he had no time to think about him as Donghae opened the bedroom. He was fully clothed, and apparently determine to leave Heechul’s place as he was already putting his shoes. Siwon and Heechul run to him. 

“Donghae, what are you doing?” Heechul asked, panicked. 

The brown-haired man looked at him as if he was asking a stupid question, “I’m going to Hyukjae’s, I have to talk to him!” he said, calm but nervous. 

Siwon intervened before Donghae could leave the house and stuck himself on the door. He was heavy, but not enough, so he dragged Heechul with him. The three of them stared at each other, Donghae about to yell. But he didn’t. He just dropped his shoes on the floor, sighed heavily and went to the couch. He laid there, turning his back to his friends. 

“Lock your door!” Siwon whispered, as if he was in a drama. 

Heechul chuckled at his dongsaeng’s behavior but did what he was told. He put the key in his left pocket and went to the kitchen, while Siwon sat next to Donghae. The latter ignored him and kept on staring the oh so interesting wall in front of him. 

“Do you want to talk a bit Hae?” Siwon asked softly. 

Donghae wanted to yell at him that no, he didn’t want to talk to him, nor anybody else. He just wanted to see Hyukjae and stay with him, in his arms.   
But, maybe Siwon could help; he was much more mature, and his faith could be helpful sometimes. He was wiser than most of Donghae’s friends. 

“I don’t want to talk Siwon, I just want to understand.” He said, sitting next to Siwon, tired of his contradictory feelings. 

“And what do you need to understand?” Siwon asked, careful. 

Donghae glance at him, but he wasn’t aggressive. He just seemed lost and confused. 

“I don’t know if I love Hyukjae.” He abruptly said. 

“Of course, you love Him, Donghae.” Heechul said offhand, while giving some cake to Siwon and Donghae.

“What?” Donghae asked, surprised. How could Heechul be so sure, while he himself wasn’t? 

Heechul looked at him and sighed, “You love him Donghae, way more than you know so. The real problem here is that he doesn’t represent what you want.”

The three of them remained silent. 

“What do you mean?” Donghae finally asked, in a whisper, tears already in his eyes.   
Siwon passed one arm around Donghae’s shoulder to sooth him.

Heechul sat on the floor and faced Donghae. It was now or never.   
“You love him Donghae. You’re probably as crazy about him as he is about you. But you’re afraid as hell because you’ve always had a specific idea about family and you’re future. You always thought you’d have a nice and pretty wife and several children. And you’re afraid because loving Hyukjae means you’d have to give up on your ideal dreams, even though I disagree.” 

Siwon straightened his arm around Donghae, afraid the latter would make a move to leave. After all, Donghae could be a coward sometimes, and Heechul’s words were hard on him. But he didn’t move, he just stared at Heechul, in shock.   
Feeling Donghae’s distress, Heechul came closer to him and slowly stroked his knee, still sitting on the floor. 

“Donghae, accepting to love Hyukjae as your one and only doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have to give up on marriage and children, even if the horse next to you disagree.” Heechul said, trying to sooth the mood. 

“Actually, the horse doesn’t disagree,” Siwon snorted, “me being religious doesn’t make me closed mind. I accept love in every way, and if you love Hyukjae, then there is no other question to be asked.” He added in a sweet smile. 

“But...” Donghae started but never continued. Instead, he took out his phone of his pocket and checked again the list he made earlier. 

Cons: no marriage, no children. But was it true though? Is being with Hyukjae truly meant he’d never get married and be a dad? Well, in Korea yes, but they could leave the country and find a way. It was possible. He wasn’t giving up on those dreams. He’d just have to fight harder, and Hyukjae was worth the fight. Hyukjae was worth everything. 

And suddenly, it hit him. Heechul was right, he was in love with Hyukjae. It was so obvious now. He didn’t even know when he fell in love, but he did, and now, he was madly in love with Hyukjae. He was loving everything about him, and he hated himself for even thinking of not being with him in the end. Hyukjae was everything he needed, and as long as he would be with him, life would be okay. Hyukjae was his oxygen, his reason for living, his lantern in the dark as he said several years ago. But now he was even more, he was the sun, who was shining the brightest for Donghae.   
After all, they were soulmates. 

Donghae straightened and left the couch. He went to the entrance, put his shoes and coat and tried to open the door. He let out an exasperated sigh and bang the door with his fist.   
Ignoring the pain, he turned around and stared at Heechul and Siwon, furious.

“Open the door, Hyung.” He said, his voice cold and angry. He usually was sweet and playful, but when Donghae was really angry, mad or frustrated he could be scary and quite difficult.   
Heechul gulped, but remained calm, sitting on the couch. But it was not the case of Siwon, who went to the entrance as well.  
“You’re not going to see him Donghae.” He said, serious.

Donghae raised his eyebrows in disbelief, “Hell yes I am! Hyung, open the door.” He asked Heechul again, rapidly running out of patience. 

“No.” 

“Heechul, I swear, open the fucking-“, He stopped when his phone rang. His ring tone was the melody of Winter Love. But it was the ring tone he defined for Hyukjae, only. Suddenly, his anger left his body and he stared at his phone, dumbfounded. Was he supposed to answer? Did Hyukjae really want to call him? He was afraid to pick up and discover it was a mistake call. He stared at his phone, until it stopped ringing. He couldn’t answer right now. If he was to talk to Hyukjae, it would be face to face. Still holding his phone, tears started rolling down his face as he was slowly sliding against the wall on the floor. 

Siwon and Heechul stared at each other, more and more surprised by Donghae’s behavior. His ups and downs were terrible and unpredictable. Siwon sat next to the younger, not talking to him or touching him. He just sat and stayed with him as much as needed. 

Heechul pinched the bridge of his nose, frustrated. Those kids were terrible and weren’t making things easy for anyone. 

Suddenly, Donghae’s phone made a sound, indicating he had a phone message. Trembling, Donghae stared at his phone again, and taped on the button ‘listen’. He didn’t bother putting his phone on his ear, his phone already on speaker. Siwon and Heechul would ask what the message was about anyway. 

“Donghae...” Hyukjae’s voice started. He was weak, Donghae could tell, and his voice was husky and shaky, “I don’t know why I called you, you didn’t even answer...” oh, how Donghae’s heart was aching at this voice and those words. He wanted to stop listening to this message and run to Hyukjae and hold him, tight in his arms. Siwon slowly wiped tears of Donghae’s cheek. “Hyung took my phone you know... He was afraid I’d try to call you... Well I guess he was right, he hid it, but I managed to take it back... And now I’m lock downed in my bedroom again and calling you...” Heechul and Siwon smiled at each other at those words. Donghae and Hyukjae were the same, as stubborn as the other. Hyukjae slowly puffed and sniffed. He was probably crying while recording this message. “Hyung made me talk you know... He wanted to know exactly what happened between us... He was mad, because I kissed you in the middle of a crowded stadium in Spain...” Donghae’s heart fluttered at the memory of their first kiss. He was shocked at the sudden move, but God knows how good this kiss was. “He even yelled at me, telling me that I’ve been irresponsible and so on...” a small laugh escaped Hyukjae’s mouth, “I keep thinking about that kiss Hae... I don’t know if I should regret it or cherish it...”  
‘please don’t’ Donghae thought, crying a bit more, “but I can’t regret anything Hae... I can’t regret kissing you and making love with you twice...” shivers ran down Donghae’s spine, “How could I regret everything that happened? Those moments we shared were pure ecstasy for me, pure joy... they were blissfully amazing...” Donghae wiped his nose with his sleeve and closed his eyes, remembering. “Even... Even if you don’t love me the way I do Hae, I’d never regret anything... Because I realized something last night... I didn’t kiss you because my brain shut down, I kissed you because my subconscious took over my brain and did what he wanted to do for many years...” Donghae’s head was spinning around, repeating ‘I love him’ again and again. “I’m not telling you I’ve loved you romantically for years...” Hyukjae stopped for a few seconds. Heechul, Siwon and Donghae were all ears, expecting. “Actually, I am... I think I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember Hae, and that’s probably why I’ve been so close to you and why I’ve been craving for you, even though you always look like you’re the needy one...”Donghae was speechless. His heart was aching at Hyukjae crying and his stomach was full of butterflies, amazing butterflies. “I love you Donghae. And even if you don’t, I want you to know that I love you to death. I’d give everything I own for you...” Donghae needed to leave. “I’m all yours Donghae, I’ve always been, and I think I’ll always be...” Siwon wiped a silent tear on his cheek while Heechul sniffed. The three of them were crying. “You’re my all Donghae... You’re my everything, my oxygen, my mirror, my soulmate...” Donghae tightened his grip on his phone. “I think this message will be messy and I don’t even know if you’ll listen to it... I love you Donghae, never doubt that... I love you... I don’t know what will happen now...” Donghae was breathless, afraid to breath as he assimilates every word Hyukjae speaks. “You know Hae, I’m being brave right now, confessing to you in a way I thought I’d never...” Hyukjae was right. He was being brave. And Donghae had to be too. “I should be so mad at you, because you’ve been so hard on me and selfish... But what can I do? I love you so much that even if I wanted to hate you I couldn’t...” Donghae felt his stomach twist. Hyukjae was right, he had been a coward and selfish idiot. “I know dating is horrible when being idols, especially in our situation... But would we date though? Because, if you ask me, we won’t date. If you and I would be more than friends, I wouldn’t consider you as my boyfriend or whatever. You’d be so much more...” Siwon and Heechul were uncomfortable listening to Hyukjae being so open about his feelings. “Anyway... I hear Jongwoon Hyung cursing on the other side of the door. He came as soon as he woke up you know... He was worried... I think everyone is worried right now because of us...” Hyukjae chuckled, sobs in his throat. “I’m so tired Hae... I think I’m being incoherent... I love you Hae, I love you so much...”

Donghae’s phone fell on the floor as he was crying hard in his hands. He was so touched by Hyukjae’s words and was relieved he wasn’t mad at him. But he couldn’t hold back his tears. He needed to see Hyukjae and promise him the world, promise him to stay with him until the ends of time, promise him to always cherish him and take care of him. He wanted Hyukjae so much.  
Heechul went to Donghae and Siwon and unlocked the front door. He kneeled in front of Donghae and cleared his throat, choosing carefully his words, “That message Hyukjae sent you was probably the bravest thing he’s done in his entire life. It takes much more courage than dancing in front of thousands of people and singing and doing varieties. He may be dumb, but today, I think he is the bravest person I know.” Heechul then took Donghae’s head in his hands and forced him to look at him. Siwon was stroking his neck, still moved by Hyukjae’s message. “Will you be brave Donghae and finally stop messing with him? Because if you don’t, I will do everything I can to prevent you from seeing him. He suffered enough. I think it’s time for you to act like an adult and confront your fears.” Heechul finally said.

Donghae didn’t lose one more second. He got up on his feet, and left Heechul’s apartment, running. 

Heechul smiled, satisfied. He then looked at Siwon, tears still hanging on the edge of his eyes. 

“Come on Siwon, stop crying and eat with me!” He said, cheerful. 

“That was heavenly beautiful.” Siwon said, astonished. 

Heechul giggled but agreed. It indeed was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :)  
> Thank for your kuddos !! :)


	6. Chapter 6

Donghae was running as fast as possible. He was out of breath, his legs were painful and his head was spinning, but he didn’t mind. He had to see Hyukjae, he needed to talk to him, hold him tight, kiss him and so much more. He wanted Hyukjae - he wanted the whole package. But he had to make amends first. He had been a coward and a selfish idiot towards Hyukjae and he couldn’t just come to his place and say ‘I love you too, let’s be together forever’. Hyukjae deserved a big gesture, just like he did with his voice mail.   
Donghae wanted to run more, but he was still far from Hyukjae’s apartment and would probably faint if he didn’t stop. He saw a cab parked a few meters from him. He ran to the vehicle and gave the driver Hyukjae’s address through the window.

“Are you okay young man?” the driver asked, worried by Donghae’s erratic breath. The latter nodded. He then opened the rear door and collapsed on the back seat exhaustedly. Instead of being reasonable, he acted like a fool for the umpteenth time of the day, thinking that running to Hyukjae would make him more courageous. 

“What a fool you are Lee Donghae!” He mumbled to himself, catching his breath. 

“Why did you say that young man?” The driver asked kindly, looking at Donghae through the interior mirror. 

Donghae sighed. He didn’t want to talk about his stupid actions and certainly not to a perfect stranger. 

“Ah nothing Sir... I am just tired...” he answered politely. 

The driver giggled, stopping the car at a red light. “Why were you running so fast? Eager to see your pretty girlfriend?” He asked a curious spark in his eyes. 

Donghae wriggled on his seat and stared at the driver, a fake smile on his face. He wasn’t in the mood right now to discuss his romantic life with an old cab driver who seemed to be way too curious for his own sake. 

“I don’t have a girlfriend. I was just running because a friend needs my help right now.” 

“Ah such a shame a nice young man like you doesn’t have a girlfriend. How old are you now?” the driver asked again, clearly not minding Donghae’s obvious annoyance. 

“I’m thirty-three years old Sir. And I don’t want a girlfriend right now, I’m busy with work.” Donghae answered, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Yah, it’s time to get married young man! And have children! Don’t you want a family?” 

Donghae lost his temper at this comment. 

“I don’t want to get married right now and I can have children until I’m at least seventy! So please, can you stop asking me private questions and mind you own business?” he snapped. 

The driver lost his smile and stared at the road, hurt by the other’s words. Apparently, young people didn’t know about respect at all. 

“Yes sir.”

“Thank you.” he said coldly.

The rest of the ride went silent, as Donghae was thinking about how to make Hyukjae forgive him and the driver was focused on the road. Fifteen minutes later, the cab finally stopped in front of Hyukjae’s building. Donghae gave the driver some cash for the ride and exited the vehicle. He rapidly walked over the lift. As he was waiting for it, he stared at his reflection in the mirror in front of him. His eyes were red and swollen, his skin was dry and his hair was oily and crazy. He rapidly tied his hair in a short ponytail, but it wasn’t doing much to his appearance. He was a mess and was probably smelled, not even remembering his last shower. 

The elevator finally opened. Donghae pressed the button to Hyukjae’s floor and closed his eyes leaning against the bulkhead. He never felt stressed or embarrassed to see Hyukjae in his entire life. Hyukjae has always been his safe place, his home, where he could be himself without worries or fears. But now that he was about to talk to Hyukjae about a possible future with him as his lover, he was incredibly nervous. 

How was he supposed to talk to Hyukjae? How could he act normal with him when so much was at stake? He’d never been comfortable with deep conversation. It wasn’t a coincidence if he was a good lyricist. It was easy for him to write his feelings in a song, but it was extremely difficult to speak them, especially when it was to confess his love. 

The door of the elevator finally opened. Donghae walked over Hyukjae’s door and stopped. Should he knock? He knew Hyukjae’s password, but it didn’t seem like a good idea to enter his apartment without informing Hyukjae. Taking a deep inhalation, he softly knocked. He heard footsteps on the other side of the door and stopped breathing when the door finally opened. 

“Donghae?”

It wasn’t Hyukjae. It was Jungsoo, who didn’t seem happy or surprised to find Donghae outside Hyukjae’s apartment. The elder sighed and closed the door behind him. 

“Donghae... You’re not supposed to be here...” he said carefully. 

“How’s Hyukjae?” Donghae asked, worried. 

Jungsoo looked at him, puzzled by his dongsaeng’s calmness. 

“How do you think he is? He’s a mess, Donghae... He sleeps, then cries, then sleep... I think he is seriously exhausted. Jongwoon is with him right now.” 

Donghae scratched the back of his head, trying to ease his anger. He wanted to see Hyukjae and be with him instead of Jongwoon and Jungsoo’s attitude was preventing him from doing what was the right thing to do in his mind. 

“Can I see him?” he asked, avoiding eye-contact. 

“No Donghae, you can’t. You should go home and think... And sleep, you look like a ghost.” Jungsoo said colder than he wanted to.   
“I did hyung. I sorted things out now. I know what I want, and I need to tell Hyukjae...” Donghae explained angry and sad tears in his eyes. His throat was hurting from refraining sobs. 

“I think you did enough for now, Donghae. It’s great if you think you figured things out, but right now Hyukjae needs to rest.” Jungsoo said firmly. 

“Hyung, I really need to see him...” 

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing a tired Jongwoon. The latter opened his mouth in shock and quickly came in the stairwell, silently closing the door behind him. 

“Yah Lee Donghae, you should leave...” Jongwoon stated in serious tone. He could be very protective. 

“Come on hyungs, I just want to see him for a few minutes. I swear I won’t do anything bad!” the younger was losing his patience. 

“Donghae, as much as I love you, you’re being extremely annoying and selfish, just go home!” Jungsoo snapped. 

“I won’t leave hyung and I know Hyukjae’s password, so I will enter Hyukjae’s apartment, whether you want it or not!” he shouted, a bit louder than he should, obviously forgetting he was in a stairwell. 

Jongwoon reacted fast and before people would be alerted by the noise, he opened the door and pulled Donghae and Jungsoo inside. 

“Listen to me Donghae because right now I think you’re out of your mind! When have you stopped being careful? First you kiss Hyukjae in a fucking stadium and now you just shout how much you want to see him in his building, not minding the other people who live here? You’d better change your attitude, otherwise people will find out something is happening and we don’t need a fucking scandal right now!” Jungsoo snapped, done with Donghae’s childish behavior. 

“I’ve been careful and it’s not my fault if things are getting out of control for a bit! I just wanted to see Hyukjae and you were preventing me to do so and I don’t even know why! Stop interfering!” The younger shouted, hurt by Jungsoo’s words. 

“Guys, calm down...” Jongwoon said his small hands on their chests as if he was scared they’d punch each other. Jungsoo would never, but Donghae was... unpredictable. 

“You’ve been reckless in Spain, you’ve been selfish towards Hyukjae and hurt him and here you are shouting in Hyukjae’s building! This is your fault if things are out of control right now!” Jungsoo yelled. 

“And I’m here to apologize to him! I’m not an insensitive bastard you know. I’m human and I make mistakes! Are you perfect?” Donghae cried out, matching Jungsoo’s tone. 

“For fuck’s sake, shut up, both of you!” Jongwoon shouted, louder than his friends, making them look at him in surprise. Jongwoon was cursing, a lot, but it was rare to witness him lose his temper and scream. “You’re making things worse right now and this conversation is completely pointless! So shut up, sit the fucking down on this damn couch and ignore each other!” 

Jongwoon pushed both of them on the couch and sat between them. The three of them were angry, but Donghae was literally ranting. 

“I’m not the only one responsible here hyung! I’ve made mistakes, but Hyukjae and I created this mess, not just me!”

“Oh my God, Donghae, don’t you know when to stop?” Jongwoon said angrily. 

“I won’t stop because I’m right!” he shouted, ready to throw something at his hyungs. “I told you I came here to apologize and try to fix things! And yet here you are, annoying me and literally blocking me!”

“Watch what you say Donghae, otherwise I swear to God, it’ll get worse!” Jungsoo warned furiously. 

“Screw you hyung!” The younger snapped, out of his mind. 

“Donghae?” a soft, warm and surprised voice said. 

The latter startled and turned around in shock. Hyukjae was standing in the bedroom door frame in sleepwear. His hair was messy and he seemed incredibly tired. 

“Hyukjae, you should-“

“Jungsoo, shut up!” Jongwoon said, observing his dongsaengs. 

Donghae carefully got up the couch and took a few steps towards the black-haired man. They stared at each other, their eyes locked. The world disappeared around them as Donghae was getting closer to Hyukjae. A few inches from him, he softly caressed Hyukjae’s cheek with a trembling hand. A tear rolled down Hyukjae’s face as he closed his eyes and finished its course on Donghae’s thumb. This made the latter finally close the distance between them and tightly hug Hyukjae, his arms around the dancer neck.   
Both were silently crying, hugging each other, their noses buried in each other’s neck. 

“I’m so sorry Hyukjae... I love you... I’m so sorry I’ve been such an ass to you... I love you so much...” Donghae whispered, crying and tightening his grip on Hyukjae’s shirt. 

He then raised his head, making Hyukjae raise his and crashed their lips together. He sighed of contentment when he finally felt Hyukjae’s plump lips against his. He had missed him so much. His heart was about to explode and his legs were becoming cotton when Hyukjae tightened his arms around Donghae’s waist and deepened the kiss. Hyukjae’s tongue shyly came into Donghae mouth, discovering again the warm cavity. His tongue softly caressed the younger’s and invited it to a wild dance. 

It was pure ecstasy. Donghae was in heaven, in Hyukjae’s sweet embrace. He was completely abandoning himself and let Hyukjae take the lead of their kiss only following the other’s tongue movement. They were running out of breath, and were making a show of the kiss, but couldn’t mind a bit. It was so good they couldn’t stop kissing each other, alternating wild kisses, full of tongue and saliva, and innocent ones with lips only touching. 

It was so familiar, but in the same time so different. They weren’t kissing only by envy, but also because they loved each other. They were madly in love and this kiss was a promise of eternity. 

“I really should go home and get some sleep; those two are terrible and nerve racking!” Jungsoo murmured to himself, trying to ignore the sloppy sounds Hyukjae and Donghae were making. 

Jongwoon giggled and silently left Hyukjae’s apartment, dragging Jungsoo with him. 

The sound of the door closing made the two lovebirds break their kiss. They held each other close, their body needing to be pressed together. Hyukjae slowly untied Donghae’s hair and whispered, his nose touching the younger’s, “Never cut your hair...”

“I may have to...” Donghae giggled, bringing Hyukjae closer, if it was possible. He placed one of his hands on Hyukjae’s nape, and slowly kissed his Adam’s apple, “There’s so much I want to tell you...” he murmured against the smooth skin. 

“I’m tired Donghae... I really need to sleep. You should go home, shower because you kind of stink and get some sleep...” Hyukjae said, his eyes closed savoring Donghae’s gentle touch. 

“I don’t want to... I want to be with you...” the latter whined.

“Come back later...”

Hyukjae didn’t wait for Donghae to answer and kissed him again, his lips already moving to deepen the kiss. They kept on kissing; touching and licking each other until Hyukjae slowly pushed Donghae back. He took a few steps back.

“I’ll wait for you...” he finally said, his left hand on the bedroom door’s handle. 

With one last glance, his closed his bedroom, trusting Donghae enough to do what he asked him. 

Donghae tied his hair and left Hyukjae’s apartment wishing it would be the last time he’d have to leave. 

***

Hyukjae woke up several hours later. His eyes were still swollen and dry, but his head wasn’t aching as much as earlier. He felt a little better. He turned around in his bed and checked his phone. It was already five in the afternoon. He didn’t get up right away, enjoying a bit more of his warm bed. 

The last few days had been hectic. So much happened and even though things seemed to get a little bit better, Donghae and he still had to know exactly what they were going to do. Hyukjae was now perfectly sure of what he wanted and how his life was supposed to be with Donghae. But he didn’t know what Donghae wanted. Sure, he came at his apartment, apologized (in his own way) and kissed him. It clearly meant something. However, it wasn’t enough for Hyukjae to feel better and at ease. He was still afraid Donghae would freak out in the next few hours or days and would mess things up once again. 

He needed Donghae to talk to him and be open about his feelings, whatever they were. 

He wasn’t expecting Donghae to be as expressive as he had been in his voice mail. To be perfectly honest, Hyukjae never thought he would send such a message to Donghae, but tiredness got the better of him and he just spit it out. He revealed to Donghae his deepest feelings, his love and now he was afraid. He wasn’t scared Donghae wouldn’t love him back, they passed this step now, but he was afraid Donghae wouldn’t be courageous enough to love him the way he deserved. 

Even though Hyukjae was crazy in love with Donghae, he wasn’t the kind to just cry for the other person his entire life. If Donghae wasn’t capable to love him fully and really commit, then he wouldn’t wait for him and would try to get over him. 

As he said in his message, if Donghae accepted his feelings and even felt the same, he wouldn’t consider him as his boyfriend. They knew each other too well to pretend they’d just date and see where things would go. No, if Donghae loved him back, he was ready for more. After all, he was thirty-three - it was time to move on, hopefully with Donghae. 

Hyukjae took one of his cushions and hugged it, laying his head on his pillow. He closed his eyes and relaxed his body, still sore because of the last days. As he was daydreaming, he thought about the previous night particularly their sexual intercourse. He recalled Donghae’s moans, his soft lips parted and only calling his name. He remembered the way Donghae was moving under him, trying to get more of Hyukjae’s body. He could still feel the brunette’s hands on his hair, his shoulders, his back, stroking him as if he was a treasure no one could get enough of. He could still taste the sweet flavor of Donghae’s body, mixed with perfume and sweat. He was salty and sweet at the same time, making Hyukjae lose his mind, second after second. He never thought Donghae would be the kind to be submissive and completely abandoning himself into someone else’s embrace during sex. But he figured Donghae acted this way because he was feeling protected and was trusting Hyukjae the most. It was common knowledge Donghae would put his life into Hyukjae’s hands if he could. 

As he was thinking, he slowly closed his eyes and fell asleep, Donghae’s smile in his mind. 

***

Donghae sighed of exhaustion as he dropped his bags on the floor of his apartment. The ride back home had been tiring since he was an idiot who went to Heechul’s apartment when he landed in Korea and who forgot his bags there because of the chain of events. So, when he left Hyukjae’s apartment earlier in the day, he was already in a cab when he realized all his bags where at Heechul’s. He then asked the cab driver to make a detour via Heechul’s apartment in order to pick up his things. 

Of course, the elder wasn’t happy at all to see him, done with the whole Donghae-Hyukjae drama and gave him his bags before slamming the door, not without a little smirk on the face though. 

Then, Donghae went back in the cab and twenty minutes later he was finally in his apartment. 

He directly went to his bathroom to take a quick shower before sleeping. Even though he was exhausted, he smelled and was feeling gross. He needed the shower. He quickly undressed in front of his bathroom mirror and was ready to enter the shower when a mark on his neck caught his attention. An enormous purple hickey was on his Adam’s apple. He gasped; surprised Hyukjae would deliberately mark him while he knew that their fans would go crazy if they saw this hickey. Thank god he wore a scarf the whole day. He shyly smiled at his reflection thinking about Hyukjae and his oh-so talented body. He couldn’t even tell how much he wanted to discover more of this side of Hyukjae. Hyukjae was very passionate so he couldn’t wait to discover passionate Hyukjae in bed. Or angry Hyukjae in bed. Or needy Hyukjae in bed. He bit his lips, refraining a soft moan and entered the shower, hoping it would divert his dirty mind. 

But of course, it did not. Actually, hot water made it worse. His member was awakening as he was thinking more about Hyukjae’s body and the way he took care of him the previous night. The sensations were absolutely exquisite, much better than with every woman he’d been with. He wasn’t sure it had something to do with the gender though. It had been absolutely thrilling because it was Hyukjae. He was pretty certain that if he’d ever have sexual intercourses with other men – he shivered of discomfort at this thought – it would never be as good. Same with women. 

It was very common to hear stories all around the world of straight people who happened to fall deeply in love with someone of their gender, but they wouldn’t define themselves as gay. It was simply the other person who was special and made them fall. 

It was exactly the same. Donghae wasn’t gay, he was absolutely sure of this fact, but he was madly in love with Hyukjae, a man. His gender wasn’t what made Donghae fall for him, it was him as a whole and otherwise they couldn’t have been friends for so long. 

He was now torn between giving attention to his aching cock and shower fast in order to sleep. The second option superseded the first. Donghae was indeed too tired to do something, even if it was just masturbating. He quickly soaped himself, washed his long hair and rinsed his body, hot water relaxing his tensed body. He then left the shower, quickly dried himself, put boxers on and lay in his bed, under his heavy and warm blanket.   
He fell sound asleep within minutes. 

*** 

A loud ringing woke Hyukjae in a startle. He straightened in his bed, a bit too fast making his head ache and his eyes went blank for a second. Rubbing his burning eyes, he reached his phone on the nightstand and picked up, not checking who was calling. 

“Hello?”

“Hyukjae! Are you okay??” A worried voice said.

Hyukjae stopped rubbing his eyes and stared at the wall, dumbfounded. Why was Siwon calling him and asked him if he was okay? He wasn’t supposed to know what was happening. 

“Um, yes? Why?” he asked suspiciously.

“Well, Jungsoo hyung called me and said you and Donghae were at your place, so I just wanted to check on you!” Siwon said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. 

Hyukjae narrowed his eyes, more suspicious than before. 

“Yes, I’m fine, and Donghae isn’t here anymore, he-“

“What?? He left again?” Siwon exclaimed, worried for Hyukjae’s poor little heart. 

Hyukjae remained silent and scratched his forehead, annoyed more people were aware of the situation. 

“Who told you?” he then asked.

He heard Siwon sigh, probably cursing about his stupid spontaneity, “Heechul hyung called me this morning... I went to his apartment to handle Donghae...”

“Handle? What do you mean by handle?” Hyukjae asked surprised Donghae needed to be ‘handled’. He left his bed, still holding his phone and went to his bathroom to wash his face. He quickly checked his watch and realized it was already nine in the evening. 

“Well, you know Donghae can be... Well he’s Donghae and he was in a really unpredictable state. So Heechul hyung called me to stop him from coming at your place...” Siwon said as if he was talking about the very bad weather in Seoul. 

“Um...” Hyukjae answered, already thinking about Donghae. He told him to come back later and it was already late. What was he doing? Hyukjae really didn’t want to panic, but as seconds were passing by, a knot was twisting in his stomach. 

“Are you still here?” Siwon asked a few seconds later. 

“Yes sorry... Hey listen, I have to hang up and take a shower, I’ll call you later, okay?” Hyukjae said in a hurry, languishing for his shower. 

“Oh... Okay, bye Hyukjae.” 

Hyukjae hanged up immediately and put his phone near the sink, a bit harder than he intended to. He then took off his sleepwear and entered his shower. He turned on hot water and let it slide on his tensed body. He was feeling much better now. Sure, he was still a bit sore and tired, but a good few hours of sleep made him feel better. He was ready to confront Donghae, whatever his state of mind was. At least he thought so, but as minutes were passing by, he was getting more anxious. What if Donghae wasn’t coming back? What if the fact that Hyukjae sent him home made him change his mind, whatever it was? 

The shower wasn’t relaxing anymore and was just making Hyukjae dizzy. He quickly washed himself and left the shower fast. His head was spinning around and he was feeling a little nauseous. Refraining a gag, he grabbed a towel and rolled himself with it. He took his phone near the sink and heavily sighed, having no news from Donghae. 

He looked at himself in the mirror and mentally slapped himself, “Come on Hyukjae, you’re better than this!” he whispered to himself. He shook his head, sending drop of water on the mirror because of his wet hair and dried himself faster. He wasn’t going to cry over Donghae, not tonight. He cried enough. If the latter didn’t want to come, that was fine, Hyukjae would manage. 

He changed in clean sleepwear (black shorts and a white large shirt) and went to his living room, holding a basket full of clean clothes. As much as doing laundry was annoying, it was the only thing he could think of doing that would sooth his mind, even just a little bit.   
He turned on TV and started folding his clothes.

He was really trying to think about anything else than Donghae. But it was impossible. Every little detail of his surroundings was Donghae. His lock screen was the pattern of Donghae’s pajamas, his couch had been the witness of their intense sex session the previous night, his fridge was Donghae’s gift and half of the damn clothes he was folding were Donghae’s. The latter invaded his life a long time ago and it was impossible not to think about him, especially right now.

Already sick of doing laundry, Hyukjae got up and went to his kitchen to eat something. His fridge was empty since they were supposed to be in Spain, so he took some ramyun from his storage and boiled water. As he was leaning against his counter and checking the internet on his phone, he heard the sound of the password taped on his lock. 

Only one person in the entire world would enter his home without knocking. 

Finally, after terribly long seconds, the door opened, revealing a very handsome and nervous (because Hyukjae could tell he was nervous as hell) Donghae. 

Hyukjae didn’t know what to expect. As the door closed behind Donghae, the latter locked it and took off his shoes, never breaking the eye-contact with the older. They stared at each other for several minutes, hours maybe; they didn’t know as the world stopped existing around them. They didn’t move, Hyukjae still leaning against the counter and Donghae in the entrance, empty handed. 

The dancer noticed he wasn’t wearing a coat, just a pair of jeans and a black sweater. As usual, his hair was tied in a short ponytail, a hair lock behind his ear. 

All of a sudden, Donghae took a few steps forward and stopped in the middle of Hyukjae’s living-room, never breaking the eye-contact with the latter. 

Donghae was unable to read Hyukjae’s eyes. He usually was an open-book and it was easy to determine what his emotions were just by looking in his eyes, at least for Donghae. But right now, his eyes were dark and unreadable. His face was shut and Donghae could swear he was clenching his jaw. Why? He didn’t have a clue. 

When he decided it was time to leave his apartment and finally confront Hyukjae and have the conversation both were expecting, he had prepared a big speech, almost as good as Hyukjae’s voice mail. He was ready to tell him that he loved him to death too, that he wanted to be with him, that all expectations people had on them could go to hell, that only Hyukjae mattered and that he’d love him until he’d stop breathing. But, as he was approaching his lover’s place, courage was deserting his body. It took him twenty minutes to finally dare taping Hyukjae’s password. He wanted to bring him flowers and wear a suit and do his hair. 

To be brief, he wanted to do things in big and be the most romantic possible. 

But instead, he ended up sleeping until nine and panicked for thirty minutes. So, screw flowers and suits, he just dressed and left. 

And now, he was in Hyukjae’s apartment, a few feet from him, unable to speak. He could only stare at Hyukjae. 

But at some point, it became too much for Donghae. 

“I want to move in!” he abruptly said, approaching Hyukjae. 

The latter raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms on his chest, not minding the water boiling on the hotplate. 

“And I want to get married. I don’t know how or when, but I want to.” Donghae came even closer. 

Hyukjae didn’t move, his face still closed and staring at Donghae in a way the latter couldn’t explain. 

“And I want children. Again, I don’t know how.” The younger closed the distance between them, feeling the other’s breath on his face. Hyukjae was still unreadable, destabilizing Donghae. 

“I want the whole package Hyukjae... I want everything you can give me, from your socks to your most precious thing. You’re all I want Hyukjae.” he finally said, holding himself on the last bit of bravery he had. 

But Hyukjae remained silent, his dark orbs reflecting the soft light of his apartment. He stared at Donghae for a very long time, making the other slowly regretting his previous actions. Maybe he should’ve knocked before entering the apartment. Maybe he should’ve brought something to eat. Or maybe he should’ve called Hyukjae. The more time was passing, the more Donghae was losing it. But he didn’t break the eye-contact. He kept on maintaining Hyukjae’s hard look, still trying to read it. 

Slowly, Hyukjae leaned in; moving his stare to Donghae’s lips and softy caressed his nose with his. Their lips almost touched, but Hyukjae paid attention not to, the tension around them being too good to break it. 

“Do you know what I want Hae?” he whispered against Donghae’s lips, still not touching. 

The latter swallowed his saliva, all ears. 

“I want you to control me... I want to you to take possession of my whole life, to literally invade me, even more than you already did all these years...” Hyukjae closed his eyes while Donghae stared at his beautiful face, assimilating his words. 

“I want you to come home to me every night; I want you to be jealous and needy all the time...” The dancer inhaled, getting drunk with Donghae’s scent. He uncrossed his arms and put them around the other’s waist, colliding the hips together. A soft sigh of pleasure escaped their lips. 

“I want to make all your wishes come true...” Donghae passed one arm around Hyukjae’s shoulders and gently pulled his hair. As sweet as Hyukjae’s words were, they also were amazingly hot, turning the younger on. 

“I want you Hae... I want everything of you... I want you to fuck me until my body is numb and you have to carry me... I want to fuck you and make you scream my name again and again... But that’s not it... I also want sweet pillow talks, long hugs, sweet, comforting kisses... You said you want the whole package, well I do too... So much.”

Time stopped. Clocks stopped ticking, phones stopped ringing, the Moon stopped turning around the Earth. Hyukjae and Donghae were tangled together, their faces so close it was impossible to keep their eyes open. There was a strong need to move, to kiss, to caress, to stroke. But none of them moved, savoring the intensity of the moment. 

Hyukjae slowly moved his hips to have a better balance and accidently (or not) brushed his crotch against Donghae. 

This made them lose control. They strongly kissed, their tongues already meeting and rolling around each other, dancing and fighting at the same time. There was no time for sweet and innocent kisses. They wanted to rush things, be a mess as fast as possible and scream their names louder and louder. They would have time to discover each other later. Right now, what only mattered was to take off their clothes, to go in Hyukjae’s bedroom, their lips still locked together and keep on kissing and rubbing their bodies together. They wanted to get drunk with each other, they wanted to lose their mind in pleasure, they wanted to kiss until they’d be breathless and their lungs would hurt. They wanted to feel their heads spinning around as they were absorbed by the other. They needed to feel the other’s body heat radiating on their skin and burning. 

They undressed each other while walking towards Hyukjae’s bedroom and fell naked on his bed, their clothes on the floor. Hyukjae was in control of Donghae, moving on top of him and kissing him as if his life was depending on the intensity of the kiss. Donghae was once again being dominated by a passionate and hungry Hyukjae, but he couldn’t mind a bit, way too happy to be the reason of Hyukjae’s hurry and pleasure. 

They were a moaning mess, scratching their skin when pleasure was too much. Donghae was losing his mind. He was falling deep into Hyukjae’s kisses, then his hand movements on his member, and his fingers inside of him, soon replaced by Hyukjae’s cock. 

Hyukjae was powerfully thrusting into Donghae, holding him close with his hands on his waist, alternating soft kisses and fierce ones, matching his hips movement. He wasn’t thinking about his pace, he was just following Donghae’s moans, who was getting louder as Hyukjae was intensifying his thrusts and was hitting the younger’s ball of nerves non-stop.   
But as pleasure was hitting them every minute, it soon became too much for Donghae who could just scream Hyukjae’s name and grip his hair.

Feeling incredibly close, Hyukjae increased his movements, going crazily in and out of Donghae’s hole, making him lose the last bit of sanity he had. The older came hard in Donghae, biting his neck, making the other explode on his stomach, untouched, a silent moan leaving his mouth as pleasure was literally crushing him. 

Hyukjae kept on thrusting in Donghae but slower, as they were rocking their orgasm. When he finally stopped moving, he collapsed near Donghae, a hand on his forehead. He was now ready to fall asleep for forty-eight hours straight. 

“That was...” Hyukjae said, slowly catching his breath. 

“Crazy!” Donghae said in a grin. 

Hyukjae glanced at him and smiled back, a hand in Donghae’s hair. He was obsessed with his hair and they would definitely have a fight when Donghae would have to cut them.

He was absent-mindedly twisting a hair lock around his finger when the younger turned to face him and intensely stare at him. His eyes were soft, analyzing Hyukjae’s features. He came closer and gently locked his lips with Hyukjae’s. It was a simple and innocent kiss, neither tongues nor saliva involved, but it was driving Hyukjae crazy who seemed to want more again. He pulled Donghae on top of him and gripped his hair as he was licking his lips, asking for more of his delightful mouth. He wrapped his legs around the younger’s waist, making their crotch collide. A soft moan escaped Donghae’s lips, who grinned in the kiss. 

“I can feel someone wants more...” he said, sucking on Hyukjae’s neck. 

The latter didn’t answer, getting lost in Donghae’s body. 

All of a sudden, the brown-hair man stopped and straightened on his arm, “Weren’t you cooking something when I came?” 

“Fuck!” Hyukjae yelled, pushing Donghae off of him and leaving his bedroom. He took his shorts on the floor and went to the kitchen. Thank God water didn’t overflow, but it was boiling for a long time now, half of it was already evaporated. Sighing of relief, he turned off the hotplate and threw the pot in the sink. Donghae came behind him, wearing nothing but his boxers. He back hugged Hyukjae, his arms around his thin waist and softly kissing his neck. 

“Can I ask you something?” the younger said in a low voice. 

“Hm?” Hyukjae answered, his eyes closed as he was enjoying Donghae’s hug. 

“Why... why were you so closed earlier? I never saw you like this, you seemed... I don’t know actually, I couldn’t figure out what was happening in your head...”

Hyukjae turned around and sat on the counter. He spread his legs, inviting Donghae to come between them. The latter came closer and kissed Hyukjae, sensually stroking his thighs. 

“I panicked earlier in the day as you took so much time to come back here. So, when you finally did, I was a bit confused. And when you told me you wanted to be with me, I was just assimilating your words and trying to calm the storm inside of me.”

“Oh, I can cause storms now?” Donghae said, teasing Hyukjae’s ear with his teeth. 

“You have no idea...” the black-haired man replied, closing his eyes, holding himself on Donghae’s muscular back. 

“You know, I’ve always wanted to try sex on a kitchen counter...” the younger whispered, pressing his fingers on Hyukjae’s buttocks. 

“Oh well, we should try...” 

The two smiled at each other, a sparkle of happiness, lust and eternal love in their eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the last chapter ! I hope you liked it!   
> An epilogue should be on Ao3 in a week... ;)   
> Thank you for reading, commenting, leaving Kudos, it means a lot!!   
> Stay safe and take care! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked the first chapter ! :) don't hesitate to comment ;)


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